Today Trident presents the penultimate in our series of the Seven Deadly Surfing Sins. Today we take a deep dive into the world of envy. Before we do so however; and assuming you’re familiar with how this series works – first we begin with the cut and paste prologue we’ve done since Day One: “Also known as the cardinal sins, they are (in no particular order – but this will be the order in which Trident publishes them): Gluttony, Lust, Greed, Wrath, Sloth, Envy and Pride.” Also this: “Anyhow, the seven deadly sins is now officially part of pop culture. Each sin was apparently represented by an animal, so why not learn something: a pig for Gluttony; a goat for Lust; a toad for Greed; a lion for Wrath; a snail for Sloth; a snake for Envy; and a peacock for Pride. Thank Trident Surf for your next Trivia evening win.”
Envy is a sin that mostly hurts the person committing said sin. It’s similar to jealousy, but less adamant and more arrogant. Indeed, the deadly sin of envy is ever present in any surf lineup worldwide. Just like envy is ever present in any group of human beings numbering more than a handful.
Part Six: Envy: Top Five surfing sins.
Number 1: Envying anyone who doesn’t need to write these articles and can go surfing instead.
Ed’s note: Try harder. Or you’re fired. Author’s note: ‘k. Moving on:
Number 2: Envying those surfers you deem to be better at surfing than you are.
Well folks, this is self defeat at its finest. Whether you’ve just started surfing, or if the sport is old hat to you, you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel envious of surfers better than you. And yes, there will always be surfers better than you out there. Even if you’re like Royalty at your local break, there will be up-and-coming groms with steely gazes just looking to steal that throne from under your nose. Indeed, even if your name has two John’s in it – or is Brazilian, or is Kelly Slater – there will be new surfers out there smashing your legacy quicker than you can deny being envious of their talent. So here’s Trident’s suggestion. No matter what, you’ll always be worse than some surfers, but you’re likely to be better than others as well. Envy is at its heart a form of insecurity, so try to ignore it. Even if you can barely get to your feet, you’ll still by default be a hundred times better than that poor sod land bound in Pofadder.
Number 3: Envying other surfers’ equipment.
Get your mind out of the gutter there, chap. But ja – envy that too, why not? Anyhow, like the above point, envying something you deem to be superior to what you currently have (skill, talent, surfboards, wetsuits, vehicle, ability to chug beer from surf booties, etc) is inherently self defeating. Sure, your old perished wetsuit with the massive tear in the crotch region may not be quite on par with the imported Patagonia 5/4mm suit your tech mogul buddy is wearing (back to front as it happens, ‘coz he can hardly surf – consider that and put your own envy in perspective.) Equipment is just that, team. Equipment. They are tools. A beautiful, custom board can be a thing of beauty, but at the end of the day it is just a tool. Excailbur may have been awesome at chopping off the heads of enemy knights, but the blunt old panga you found in your oupa’s garage will do the job too. Maybe not as well, but you surely can concede our point. And just like talent, which you can improve upon, you can always buy better sur equipment in the future. Or steal some.
Number 4: Envying others for their time in the water when you’re unable to surf.
Jeez. This isn’t self defeating, but this can be selfish in the first degree. Unless you have a medical reason for being unable to surf, envying others surfing fun waves while you’re stuck at something mundane and insignificant like your job or school or your own wedding is pretty damn self centred. Indeed, think about those who are unable to surf for some heavy reason. We all have had our freedoms to surf, and we all have had our freedoms to surf curtailed by other commitments and responsibilities. Unless you become a pro surfer (and with that kinda pressure, Trident certainly wouldn’t envy you), we can’t just surf whenever we want to. Unless you’re a dolphin. And even then, you gotta watch out for Orcas an’ stuff.
Number 5: Envy of your own unrealised potential.
Do the following words, or variations thereof, sound somewhat familiar: “If only I had started surfing while I was still in the womb, I might’ve had a few world titles already.” What about, “If only I had ‘Insert Surf Rival’s Name Here’s time to surf, I’d be the best at the break.” Or, “If I had that brand new Pyzel, instead of this month-old Pyzel – I’d be shredding right now.” Yup, envying your own potential is the absolute ultimate. It combines other forms of envy into some kind of self delusion, that weirdly enough – may be partly true. Especially the part about surfing from within the womb. Trident is adamant that was where our pro career -or potential at least – went south.
