Lately, Trident has all been about positive reinforcement. Good vibes. Lekker times, both in and out the water, endorsing good manners and encouraging words and deeds to your peers. Toxic positivity, some may say. So, in the interest of self interest, Trident presents the most indulgent, selfish way to conduct your next surf session, with five good reasons to burn other poor sods in the lineup.
Number 1: They dropped in on you.
Like every conflict in human history, from when Ug first moered Tharg over the head with a rock for stealing his bespoke animal skin thong, the origins of each conflict can be obscured back in the mists of time. However in a surfing context – if someone drops in on you, give them one more chance. Only one chance, as everyone occasionally makes a mistake – but not plural mistakes. After that only and only chance has expired – burn them. Simple, straightforward. They drop in on you, you drop in on them. Whether it’s the first surf session you see them do it, or if it happened at some point previously – Trident allows – nay – urges you to let them have a taste of their own medicine. Disclaimer: like the statute of imitations, this has an expiry period. If you see some Ozzie in the water who once dropped in on you at Supers in 2007, I think you can let it go, friend.
Number 2: They snaked you.
The only reason Trident isn’t constantly dropping in on snakes is the proximity of the offending surfer. A metre or two is too close, and being dropped in will no doubt make the offender feel somewhat indignant. They may therefore feel justified in flicking their board towards your nether regions. Most people are aware of the drop in rule, yet for some reason, fewer surfers are as clued up with the rules of snaking. So use this rule at your own peril folks, but either way – ensure the snake doesn’t remain ignorant of why your burned them.
Number 3: They are utterly clueless.
Nasty to say it. Even worse to watch some mouth-breathing beginner, paddling with all the power of a lead balloon on the set of the day. Seriously, do they even realise how their skill is unworthy of how good the wave is? Yet, lo and behold! They’re on their feet eventually, after going from both knees. Oh well, it’s already too late, someone has dropped in on them on their battered NSP, let them watch from behind how to actually surf the wave properly.
Number 4: “There was an incoming section bru.”
Trident has said these words as a catch-all excuse and/or apology more times than we can remember. Often, watching a classic wave come through, with some berk paddling their mielie off to get on it – with an undisputed massive whitewater section ready to close the wave out is difficult to watch. So, Trident drops in. They get shut down – no harm done. They make it around the whitewater, hey – we get off quickly. Or, we “don’t see them.”
Number 5: They missed 4 waves in a row .
Oh ho ho! This happens far too often. The surfer in question will paddle for – and miss – several waves in a row, often set waves. By the time you’ve finally decided to stop being fed up and simply go for the next wave, they’ve somehow managed to actually catch it this time, not to mention the blue eyed miracle of subsequently standing up on said wave. Now, we all get older and less physically robust. Still, this is no excuse to scream at the more sprightly surfer who dropped in on you after you’ve failed five attempts at actually paddling into a wave. Although controversial, in competitive heats paddling with intent for a wave counts as an actual wave attempt. At least in terms of priority. So perhaps it too should be applied in recreational and free surfing. Nice.
