Trident’s first Top Five article for 2021 will not focus on any negativity, but will instead point out a few silver linings. Coz yeah – it really sucked not being able to surf legitimately over the past holidays. And with the almost inevitable lockdown extension announced last night – here’s a simple reminder of how things could’ve been much worse, by pointing out experiences potentially far more devastating then not surfing for a little while.
Number 1: A colonoscopy exam
Or any serious injury, condition or disease. To be serious for a second, whether it’s corona or something even nastier, the human body can experience far worse than not being able to surf folks. So if you’re more or less healthy, be thankful for that. Coz white clad doctors prodding, poking and probing at bits of your body you’d rather keep to yourself tends to be relatively low on anyone’s list of fun things to do. However, in death – Trident expects to experience endless barrels in paradise, which is rad. So the afterlife is another silver lining, assuming you’ve lived your life as a relatively good person and haven’t snaked your fellow surfers one time too many.
Number 2: The booze ban
Well well well. Look who showed up and decided to be all controversial. Although the majority of the country, particularly away from the coast (holidaymakers excluded) would normally not give a hoot about the beach ban, no doubt most South Africans would rather chew off and swallow their own big toe than go dry for an entire December. Speaking personally, Trident would prefer a surf to a beer – but to be denied either option – well, that’s just uber kak.
Number 3: Your significant other dragging you off to some bollocks instead
“Hey! Seeing as you can’t surf, why don’t we go curtain shopping?” Oh just shoot me in the face with a crossbow already.
Number 4: Another Step Up sequel is announced
This is simply too horrifying to contemplate.
Number 5: Electric shock therapy
Admittedly, if we aren’t all officially allowed back on the water as soon as possible – this technique may soon apply to the vast majority of frustrated surfers. Still, not unlike a serious injury or disease, crippling mental health issues is something far more significant than simply not surfing. In this instance, said mental health issues could also apply to addiction and the lack of available booze, so let’s consider ourselves lucky we’ve just been denied the pleasures of a few waves for the short term. But if the short term turns into the medium or long term verboten surfing – there’ll be blood on the streets I tell you…
