2020 can be well summed up with the following wise words: **** ****in’ ****in’ in its **** and can go **** in its **** until **** and ****in’ **** are ****. Trident’s point is crystal clear. And 2021 has started off in pretty much the exact same vein.
So, for now beaches remain closed along the entire coastline of South Africa. Meanwhile, the chances of everyone in the country receiving the vaccine any time soon seem about as likely as Kelly Slater renouncing surfing and taking up competitive cake decorating instead. Right now Trident is desperate enough to inject the covid vaccine directly into our heart with a bazooka if it means we can get into the water soon. In fact, we wholeheartedly predict that douchey kinda people will no longer say, “do you even lift, bro?” Now they’ll say, “are you even vaxed, bro?” We’re not even sure if that’s a good or bad thing to say, but we stand by the ambiguity.
A small consolation is just how crappy the surf charts look for the next week and beyond. Indeed, it looks so poor, government would actually need to pay Trident to paddle out right now – so let’s take some solace that at least this time the ban has coincided with conditions so dismal we’re better off not surfing. (At least for now.)
Also, thanks to all the publicity and media attention – surfers are once again the bad boy rebels of the early days. However, in 2021 we’re not just the free spirited fun-loving hippies and dropouts of the 60’s and 70’s – we’re now hardened criminals alongside the like of mass murderers, gangsters and people who INSIST ON PERMANENTLY TYPING IN UPPERCASE. Trident however, prefers to think we surfers are more like lovable, legendary anti-heroes like Eben Etzebeth, Batman, Deadpool or Riaan Cruywagen.
There’s a buttload of conspiracy theories out there at the moment, of which we’re not about to delve into any. This is partly because Trident is an absolute bastion of journalistic integrity and won’t entertain any outlandish and outrageous claims. One such theory could be the beach ban has been imposed as the coast is an idyllic spot for extra terrestrials who have made a deal with government to enjoy their vacation in peace without being seen by pesky and unruly surfers. Also, if any of these conspiracies turn out to be true – hey, won’t Trident look the fool! So we’re taking the Fifth here.
Therefore, at the risk of repeating ourselves – Trident will happily sign up to be first in line to receive the vaccination. Even if we develop webbed hands and feet, gills and scales. ‘Coz that will sure as shit is sticky help us when we’re finally allowed to surf again.
