Trident can just feel the controversy dripping off this article, like gecko droppings on a wall or something far less PG.
Trident has written much admonishing surfers who flaunt the rules, like here and here. But hang on a second… is it ever acceptable to actually break the rules? Like justified homicide in cases of self defence? When the would-be killer was trying to kill you because you dropped in on them at some point? A vicious circle. A slippery, slippery slope – the playground slide of surf etiquette and morals.
Yet, in some cases – not snaking simply doesn’t make sense. With all due respect to beginners (we were all there once); allowing them to get the best set waves is pointless. Assuming they don’t blow the take-off (which we will all still do ourselves occasionally), watching a newbie twitch their way across a good wave like a bipolar hip hop dancer with an electric cathode attached to their genitals is a bitter pill for a more experienced surfer to swallow. Likewise, the dude who surfs the wave like a stoned sloth trying to touch its toes.
Let beginners have waves by all means. They, like us all – need the practice. However, they have no real claim to be part of the lineup just yet – so simply paddle around them when you feel its appropriate – or take a set when it’s their turn. They gotta learn, snake their turn.
Another reason for acceptable snaking is obvious – they did it to you, and it’s tit for tat. Kinda like the conflict zones in the Middle East. It doesn’t matter who fired first back in the mists of time. The conflict has become a constant cycle of retaliation. Nevertheless, this being a less than perfect world; sure – snake someone if they already snaked you. Paddle around, take their turn, etc – until the two of you keep pushing each other deeper and deeper, moving steadily further west or east along the coastline until you both find yourselves in either Namibia or Mozambique.
Perhaps controversially, another possible reason to snake someone else in the lineup is their choice of wavecraft. For instance, Trident’s simmering grudge with SUP’s is well documented. Yet, that has nothing to do with the following statement: snake all SUP’s. Why? ‘Coz if your paddling power is strong enough to do so – by Poseidon you damn well deserve those waves. As for other wavecraft, Trident recommends a case by case basis. It’s a little petty to snake any bodyboarders at an extremely shallow and hollow wave – they kinda will do better on those waves anyhow. But a guy riding straight on a boogie at a point break? Snake away my friends, snake away. Acceptable snaking also applies to metro lifeguards, clueless bodysurfers, clueless bathers, clueless wannabe Instagram “beach models”, no-leash loggers, sardines, actual species of amphibious snakes, sea urchins (see this Surf Science article), Australians in South Africa, Moby Dick, dolphins who didn’t wait their turn, vampires, kumquats, surfers who say “lit” too much, surfers with mullets, actual mullets, surfers in landscape camouflage wetsuits (honestly, what is the point), cricketers, astronauts, ventriloquists (don’t snake their dummies though), furries, orcs, llama’s, cyborgs, Forrest Gump, Croatians, and of course – Kelly Slater.
In case you never noticed esteemed reader, but at no point in this article has Trident advocated dropping in on others. ‘Coz that’s just plain being a doos.
