Snakes are an extremely successful species of reptile, having conquered coastlines the world over, apart from the polar regions (and even there you may find the occasional cold blooded surfer stealing waves). Australia is especially notorious for its dangerous snake species (and spiders, and box jellyfish, and octopuses and koalas etc), but make no mistake, Africa has some seriously deadly snakes. So much so in fact, that Trident’s introductory article on snaking should be read here first. Then, without further ado, let’s introduce in more detail:
Number 1: The Boomslang
Generally timid and unassuming, this shy snake usually keeps to itself. You’ll find it chilling on the fringes of the lineup, generally behaving itself and not being a nuisance until – BAM! – it strikes, often only after being provoked. This snake tends to have some skill in the waves but prefers to let its surfing do the talking rather than have an attitude about it. While the rest of the lineup is hustling, whistling and basically ignoring the Boomslang, this snake waits for the perfect opportunity to strike. And strike it does, hard and fast. Underestimating this underrated snake tends to be other surfers’ downfall, but perhaps rightly so. This snake is one of the few species who probably deserve the waves they steal, as its approach is low-key and will hardly be noticed by others. In fact, the Boomslang tends not to cause a stir at all, but still – snake it does. How to outsnake? Just leave them to do their thing. Whether your skill level is matched or not, the quiet but deadly efficiency with which the Boomslang snakes shouldn’t annoy others too much. Most of the time.
Number 2: The Rock Python
The Python is a huge snake. It. Is. BIG. The Python is the complete opposite of the Boomslang. While the Boomslang is unobtrusive and inconspicuous, the Python is large and very difficult to miss. However, unlike the Boomslang who uses stealth and guile, the Python will exhaust its prey by constricting. In other words, it slowly but surely ensures it gets all the waves it wants by gaining a stranglehold on the lineup. It doesn’t allow others much of a chance as it squeezes its way to domination of the lineup. How to outsnake? The Python will tire easily. Patience is key as you allow them to paddle for every set wave that comes along, many of which they’ll miss. Sooner or later, breathing heavily and red in the face, the Python will paddle back to land, where it’ll rest as it digests the surf it’s just had. Just in time for the tide to swing and improve the waves dramatically.
Number 3: The Spitting Cobra
This is a dangerous guy. Once again, the Cobra’s skill level is fairly high, giving it a sense of entitlement as it slithers for every set wave on the horizon. It tends to be fairly quiet though – that is, unless you call the Cobra out on its behaviour. Then you can expect it to spit venom like a sailor spitting swear words on shore leave in Thailand. When confronted about its lack of manners, the previously chill Cobra will turn on its accuser like any character against any other character in an episode of Game of Thrones. How to outsnake? Again, best to simply let it do its thing. The lineup will tend to have only one Spitting Cobra, and your chances of snagging a set wave as it paddles back to the outside can be relatively high. It’s not worth the hassle or the bad vibes confronting it only to hear its foul-mouthed tirade. And of course, if there is more than one Spitting Cobra in the lineup – they’ll tend to attack one another. Like on Game of Thrones.
Number 4: The Puff Adder
The Puff Adder is kinda like a cross between the Boomslang and the Python. Slow moving but purposeful, this snake doesn’t appear to be much of a threat but it tends to be conspicuous because of its size. Like the Boomslang, it’s stealthy and subtle – but sooner or later it will be noticed once it starts taking other surfers’ waves. Then it’ll be obvious as a corrupt official with hands elbow-deep in the till what the Puff Adder is up to. So don’t let its apparent subdued stupor fool you. The Puff Adder is a deadly snake because unlike the posturing Python who tires quickly, this snake is genuinely more than a match for anyone who challenges it. How to outsnake? Make friends with it. The Puff Adder is generally a cool dude and just wants its share of the waves, but will overstep the mark if it feels it’s being overlooked – or it thinks it can get away with it. By befriending it and earning its trust, you ensure you’ll not be a target of its venom.
Number 5: The Black Mamba
This is by far the most dangerous snake on the list. Aggressive, bad-tempered and lightning fast, you won’t even see the Mamba approach before you’ve found yourself a victim of their attack. There is no reasoning with this snake. It will simply not allow anyone else to get their fair share of waves, and if you deign to challenge it, you’ll be worse off for sure. How to outsnake? Uncertain. Matching its aggression with equal aggression may be an answer, but this is never recommended. It’s far more likely that the Black Mamba is exactly like the snake species in Nature – misunderstood. Maybe they never received enough hugs as a child. Or received too many hugs, from their scout master or someone equally creepy. So give the Mamba a wide berth – but give them a break too. Or just get hold of Simon and Siouxsie.
