We’re not exactly sure when a surfer starts becoming, well, older. To a 12 year old grom, being in your late twenties is unfathomably old. To a 23 year old ripper in their prime, they can’t imagine being 40, let alone 50 or 60. So, how about we go with the official cross-discipline Masters’ age – 35 and plus? After all, our last Top Five list was dedicated to the beginner surfer. So, why not look at the antithesis – the ballies who frequent the lineup, and their various types.
Number 1: The ballie who still rips.
Kelly Slater is a freak. At age 50, charging (and winning) Pipeline and Teahupoo requires a certain ageless grace, ferocity, commitment, fitness and fearlessness. Trident blames the GOAT for anyone over 40 attempting airs and the like. However. There are plenty of older surfers who still ooze style. And power. And skill. True, maybe their turns could be a little sharper, their paddling a bit faster. Maybe they’ve got more of a beer boep than a hairline, but when they’re up and riding, their surfing remains a timeless thing of beauty. A round of applause for these blokes please.
Number 2: The ballie who used to rip but doesn’t any more.
This guy was once a contender. He made the WP team fairly regularly in the 80’s and 90’s, and there was a possibility of turning pro. Sadly though, it was simply not to be. Life and its various surprises got in the way, and the potential pro was sidelined, surfing less and less as the years committed to family, and/or work, and/or their substance abuse issues, and/or the UFO cult they joined to impress that chick took precedence over waves. However, they never really stopped surfing and returned to it with a vengeance in their later years. Only, time marches on folks. There’s only so many times you can try to coast off your previous achievements before blowing your takeoff 17 times in one session will make you an eternal laughing stock. Like that old ad said, “if you surf – don’t ever stop.” That’s the only way you’ll remain on top of your game.
“Close on Mummy’s Face” by Curious Expeditions is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.
Number 3: The really late bloomer.
Ah. Bless this oke’s soul. Poseidon alone knows why he decided to start surfing only after his 50’s, but Trident is all for it. Seize the day and other such platitudes. Trident has discussed latecomers to the surfing scene numerous times before, but in a Top Five list of aging surfers this particular individual and their idiosyncrasies bear repeating. This dude may not know their log from their leash or their wetsuit from their wind swell, but what they lack in experience and surf smarts they more than make up for in enthusiasm. Sadly however, a lifetime of not surfing generally means they paddle with all the grace and power of a drugged manatee. As for their actual surfing? Trident has seen more wave skill from tadpoles in stagnant dams in the Karoo.
Number 4: The aging enforcer.
In their prime, this douche was once king of the lineup. Not because of their skill, nor the respect afforded them – but by their sheer aggression and intimidation factors. Indeed, they were never well liked in general, but they served some purpose in terms of traffic control. Nevertheless, age comes to beat all our bottoms and the years haven’t been kind in particular to this oke. Perhaps because of a headbutt too many, or using their fists one time too often to klap groms, this guy’s fitness level and physical body is nowhere near what it once was. Indeed, this once feared surf enforcer is about as intimidating as an old rusty bakkie found in backyards of the rougher parts of town. Yes, it once had power and strength – and still has a certain angry majesty – but it really is just a sad rusting hulk wasting away to not much.
“Ezra talks to an old surfer” by santheo is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0.
Number 5: The irrelevant guru.
This surfer resembles Gandalf more than Galadriel. Once upon a time, their opinion on single fins was cutting edge. And… that’s kinda as far as it went. Sure, in conversations about “the good old days” and retro cool, this surfer’s name will be spoken of in reverence. However, to everyone who realises “onwards and upwards” in technology terms is not necessarily an affront to tradition, this guy is like the steam engine. Obsolete. The sad thing though, this guy doesn’t seem to realise it. We have plenty politicians who also think like this.
