Whether it’s the frothing grom just beginning their downward spiral as a lifelong surfer, or an absurdly clueless Norwegian exchange student just begging to be ridden over, beginners are a fact of surfing life. Perhaps they amuse you, or irritate you. Or enrage you. Perhaps you simply ignore them. Either way, beginners aren’t going away – and at one point; we all were beginners. So let’s have a look at our favourite kinds of stereotypical beginners, shall we?
Number 1: The frothing grom.
This is where we all should’ve started. At an age where progressing quickly enough may have at least meant a vague shot at the CT. Groms though. Gotta love them. Whether it was a simple desire to surf, or peers or pushy parents who compelled them to start, these smiling little critters have more energy than a bumblebee with a V8 engine strapped to its furry bottom. Note. We are speaking about grom beginners here, not necessarily those who are rippers. This is why you’ll often see beginner groms’ arms rotating cartoonishly, while said grom and surfboard goes precisely nowhere. Fun to watch. Encourage them, give them a few tips, give them a wave or two. Then as soon as they start improving – drop in on them, inside paddle them, swear at them and threaten them with mild violence. This is of course phase 2 in a grom’s learning process.
Number 2: The clueless foreigner.
Think about any coming-of-age teen comedy from the 80’s, 90’s and early 2000’s. Regardless of the quality of the movie, oftentimes these movies depicted a clueless exchange student with a ridiculous accent who learned some dumbass phrase in English such as “my balls are big, furry, veiny and smell of sundried tomatoes” or “communism will save the US.” Fast forward to the 2020’s. With a minority of exceptions, the foreign beginner surfer kind of justifies the blundering buffoon movie stereotype. Generally harmless, but has absolutely no clue of how a lineup works or how potentially dangerous a sharp, hard object such as a surfboard is. The clueless foreigner can often sometimes be physically attractive, but that accent. Yoh. That accent will soon sound about as appealing as a blocked drain.
Number 3: The athlete who excels at another sport.
Trident has mentioned this type of beginner before. And the athletes trying their hand at surfing generally come in 2 versions: arrogant because of their renown in some other sporting code, or slightly less arrogant but still arrogant ‘coz they believe they’ll be launching 360 airs on ten foot waves within a day judging from their sporting prowess in, say – badminton. As we all know though, one or two 3-4 foot waves bearing down on them will change their tune quickly. Being a success at one sport absolutely does not guarantee anything more. This despite movies such as Triple X trying to convince braindead audiences an oke can be a Motocross champ, a big wave surfer, an expert skateboarder and a hackey sack wunderkind all in one.
Number 4: The Johnny-come-lately.
These beginners are interesting. For whatever reason, they started surfing relatively late in life. Perhaps they moved to the coast as a young adult. Maybe they lacked the equipment required, or parents willing to lift them to the beach in their formative years. Perhaps covid robbed them of their dreams at excelling at traditional team sports, and the freedom surfing implied became a viable alternative. Regardless of the why, the when has become now, and the adult learner has become ubiquitous. These guys are generally cool, except when their own ignorance gets the better of them. Particularly when they don’t have a healthy respect of the ocean or the people who have been surfing far longer than them. So, when Mr or Mrs I’ve-just-learned-to-Poo-Man stand up drops in on everyone and gets sworn at, you’ll hear them lament, “jeez, I didn’t realise surfers were such wankers.”
Number 5: The village weirdo.
Like adult acne and insurance telemarketers – okes like these rock up from nowhere, unsolicited and unwelcome. They appear to have no peers that surf that encouraged them to start themselves, nor do they appear to be foreign. They are too old to be groms, and unless they excel at competitive origami or long distance cheese making, they aren’t famous athletes. Instead, these are the strange dudes you see sometimes in the waves. The ones with involuntary eye twitches with grins about as friendly as a shark’s. For sheer morbid curiosity, we want to know more about them… But we’re scared to delve too deep. Trident will allow our readers’ imaginations to run wild at this point.
