Full disclaimer: This list can apply to either a personal first time at a wave – or even a wave that has never been surfed before to your knowledge. (Ed’s note: it probably HAS been surfed before, but we all can dream.)
Anyhow, Trident had the surreal and frankly unappealing experience of surfing a certain famous wave in the Garden Route for the first time. What’s wrong with that you may ask yourself? Like popping one’s cherry, eventually one just has to go for it. However, in our instance, this first time was during a 6-8 foot swell, combined with surging cross shore winds with a former CT pro. It bit like popping one’s cherry to a beautiful, yet deadly female WWE super star. With this in mind, Trident presents a few approaches to surfing a new wave for the first time.
Number 1: Be conservative.
Watch. Wait. Watch and wait. 10 minutes, an hour – a day – but a week of watching and waiting may be too much. Trident advises watching not only the wave itself, but also the paddle in and the paddle out. Also take heed of any potential hazards, obvious or otherwise. Rocks. Shallow depths. Sharks. Locals. Dirty water. Currents. The Kraken. The Karen.
Right. Let’s assume you’ve been patient, watched and waited – and paid attention to the spot and its surrounds. Go for it then – paddle out and surf. But remain conservative. Take the inside waves. And don’t take too many. In animal hierarchy terms – don’t be the Alpha or even the Beta – be the Omega. Which actually sounds damn cool. We’re gonna start a surf brand named Omega. You heard it first here folks – Trident is trademarking that.
Number 2: Go balls-to-the-wall.
This is the direct opposite to the above. Paddle out with gusto, having not even looked at the wave once while waxing up. Bellow while paddling out. Scream. Yell. Sing. A classic metal song, or an old school hip hop tune. A lively old sea shanty would do well as well; who wouldn’t pay attention to a deranged looking new face at a surf spot singing “What should we do with the Drunken Sailor”?
Right. You have everyone’s attention now. So surf your guts out. Doesn’t matter if you rip or not – just go mental. Take every set. Even if you’ve never attempted an air in your life, somersault off the lip any chance you get – with or without your board. Try a barrel on every wave you see, even if it’s a 1 foot mush burger. Your sheer aggression and commitment will mark you as a surfer of consequence, so the locals will give you some leeway. Either that, or everyone out there will assume you’ve escaped from a state psychiatric ward and give you a wide berth anyhow. Win.
Number 3: Fake it.
Pretend you’re a foreigner, pretend you’re older than what you really are, with a bad hip, pretend you are actually a long time local, pretend you have amnesia, pretend you’ve only just recently recovered from a ruptured eardrum/spleen/lung/scrotum and you need to be careful. Whatever the fake bit is, own it and surf accordingly. Just make sure everyone in the lineup hears loud and clear what your facade is.
Number 4: Record your session for posterity.
This is only really advised if the wave in question really is, to your knowledge – a spot that has never been surfed before. You need evidence that you were the first surfer on that wave my China. Whether it’s a 15 foot death pit in freezing water; or a tropical peeler that nobody had previously discovered (Ed’s note: someone probably has surfed it you idealistic, naive nitwit) – prove to yourself and the world you did it first.
Number 5: Consider the legacy.
You’re standing in front of Pipeline. The Banzai Pipeline. There are around a hundred, brown skinned, frowning locals out there, many with mounds of scar tissue on their knuckles from having punched dozens of haoles over the years. The waves are 8 foot, Hawaiian size. Which means out of control to anyone with a tint of sanity about them. Your boardshorts have just a little pee in them, and you can feel your heartbeat in your ears. It’s warm as hell but you’re shivering. You’re on THE Island. This is where the sport of kings began. So do you want to surf probably the most famous – no, scratch that – most notorious wave in the world for the first time? Yes – hell yes!
But you’ll wait for a 5 foot day. SA size. (Ed’s note: Sure, Chopes has taken some of the shine off Pipe as the world’s most dangerous wave, but Pipe will still beat all kinds of hell outta you. Or kill you. Just like Teahupoo.)
