“Oi! That’s MY wave bru!”
Assuming the person who believes the wave is theirs is correct, that’s where disputes in the water should end. Done. End of. Finished and klaar. However, that’s in a perfect world. In a world where some people insist on putting pineapple on pizza, earth is far from perfect.
So yep, conflicts in the lineup don’t often end at simple words of warning. Indeed, sometimes surf fights result in a 300 Spartan-like bloody fist fight on the beach. Thankfully though, it’s unlikely said fights will ever be in loincloths.
Surf disputes. What to do?
Trident articles about surfing disputes are nothing new. However, actually asking the question “what should be done with those who willingly flout the unwritten laws?” had yet to be asked. So we’re asking it now:
What should be done with those who willingly flout the unwritten laws?
We’re of the opinion a public flogging, or a week or so in the stocks with a mouthful of old wax may be a bit extreme. Such measures may have worked during the Inquisition. Now, we live in a more enlightened age, where people are freely allowed to believe in a spherical or flat earth and the competency of government. This being said, no doubt burning at a stake those surfers who (metaphorically) burn others on a wave would serve as a massive deterrent.
Regardless of your personal politics on capital punishment, it’d probably be frowned upon to stone another surfer to death coz he dropped in on you or “got in your way”.
Punishment for surf lawbreakers – a thing or not?
So what exactly should the punishment for breaking the rules in the surf be? Old school methods such as writing “wanker” with wax on windshields, slashing tyres and cutting leashes are old school but are pretty much illegal.
Trident suggests a more novel approach. Any rule breakers should be sent to the beach, and made to pick up rubbish for a period of time. Or perhaps there should be re-education schools for transgressing surfers, good ol’ comrade-style. Or if the conspiracy theories about the so-called “Free World” are true, some CIA mind-control brain hijinks could work on remorseless surf offenders.
Whatever punishment needs to be meted out, do it firmly – but calmly. As much as a well delivered and devastating headbutt may satisfy the reptilian part of your brain, the consequences may not be as satisfying. Glossing over the physical harm, we live in an age of lawsuits, people. Try explaining to a clueless judge that your snotklapping some 14 year old was totally justified “because they paddled past you.” Fine or jail time, people. Not a result.
If you have any suggestions about a punishment for wave infringements fitting the crime; tune us in the comments ekse.
