Okay, so we’re several days late. But that’s still pretty good compared to most guys on Valentine’s Day, who don’t deliver anything at all. Trident however, is romantic AF and we gave our special lady some chocolate and went for a picturesque beach walk. Our special lady gave us even more cool stuff, but that’s our good luck.
Anyway, moving along. Surfing and relationships. Relationships are hard work, especially when you have a partner that isn’t inflatable – and a relationship with a surfer can be especially hard work. As for a relationship with SURFING, well, that is exactly like a relationship with an actual human being. You have your ups and downs, your storms and your calm weather, your good days and your bad days, your days when you’re tempted to chuck it all, those days when you forget your wax. And of course, those absolutely sublime days when you realise why you’re doing it in the first place.
“Beach couple” by The Sean & Lauren Spectacular is licensed with CC BY 2.0. To view a copy of this license, visit https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/
As for being in a relationship with a surfer (if you’re not also one yourself)… you can expect to be on camera or video duty at least once. Trident says – accept this with good grace for as long as is humanly possible. (And for Poseidon’s sake – make sure you get decent shots and video clips where your partner looks like they’re shredding. Splurge on flattering CGI if required.) After all, you’d expect your significant surfing other to watch your cricket games, or chick flicks, or go shopping with you, or attend your zumba dances, pet seances or cult meetings now and then wouldn’t you? Surfers don’t ask for much in a relationship, except for time to surf. That’s pretty much it. Surfing can’t be planned weeks, let alone months – ahead of schedule, unlike wedding days and brunches with your work colleagues. Try a little empathy damn it. If you suspect your partner would rather be surfing than joining you for macramé classes, then by all means – let them go for Pete’s sake. Or better yet – if you don’t already surf – join them in the waves. Who knows, you may like it enough to drop outta the corporate world and become a beaded necklace salesperson or shark spotter on the beachfront or something.
Cupid is a surfer as far as we’re concerned coz he has a quiver. Geddit?! No? Ah, forget it. Hopefully you’ll get it next time, when we recycle the joke. Next time it’ll be about Robin Hood and his quiver, or Legolas from Lord of the Rings and his quiver. And Legolas kinda looks like a surfer with his long flowing blonde locks. He even surfed down the stairs during the battle of Helm’s Deep. Like a Boss. Where are we again? Oh yes, Valentine’s Day and surfing. Moving along once again.
Speaking of a quiver, the best Valentine’s Day gift you can get the surfer in your life is a brand new set of boards. Hands down. Failing that, a ticket to Indonesia with 3 months accommodation and food paid in advance. No? Outta budget? Jeez Trident, you just said surfing can’t be planned months in advance and now you’re talking about an extravagant trip to Indo to surf. Damn it Non-surfing reader. Indo is so consistent it looks like the waves come off Neptune’s own conveyor belt, but that’s besides the point. Unlike those hard to please high flyers who demand diamond rings, trips to Paris and monster trucks – a decent day of surfing would allow most surfers to have a classic Valentine’s Day. Sadly however, as discussed above – one can barely plan a surf a day in advance, and last week’s Trident surf report was a case in point; the waves were generally uber kak countrywide on the day in question.
Surfer girl brand Roxy has a logo shaped as a heart, constructed very cleverly of two mirrored Quiksilver logo’s shoved up sensually against one another. Branding gold, we say. Except, no human heart is actually shaped that. Watch Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom if you don’t believe Trident, when the evil high priest of Kali the Indian Death Goddess rips the poor oke’s beating heart out while he’s still alive. See? It looks nothing like the classic Valentine’s heart. In fact, our classic red or pink heart was said to have been designed to resemble a lady’s sexy backside. So, when you think about it, the Roxy logo is in reality a butt. The Japanese flag has an even more abstracted arse as its symbol, but we’re getting dangerously off topic here, which is most unlike Trident.
Surfing has a few power couples, perhaps most notably Alana Blanchard and Jack Freestone. Maybe they’re not quite in the same league as your Hollywood power couples, or mainstream sports couples, or musical couples like Jay Z and Beyoncé let alone Sid and Nancy. In fact, they may not even be power couples like Beauty and the Beast, or Bonnie and Clyde, or Salt and Vinegar, or Politics and Corruption, or Peas and Carrots, or Hannibal and Clarisse, or Smeagol and Gollum, or Brandy and Coke – but they are our power couple.
