So yesterday I was surfing the ‘berg in some crazy strong south east wind with some frothing groms. At one point I watched in horror as said crazy wind violently blew one of the groms’ surfboards hard onto his head. I asked if all was ok, and the frothing grom replied: “Ja, my board’s fine!” Nice to know his priorities are sorted. Mwzandile Ballie, Poozenberg
Here’s a very handy tip; while you’re leaving a surf report voice note (for a mate, for a surf group, for your mom, for your church group), avoid stubbing your toe. The ou’s called in an exorcist a few days ago; upon hearing my voice note as follows: “… some nice little runners around! The wind is perfectly off – AAARRRGGGHHH, ****in’ son of a ****! Why don’t you go straight to hell you bastard, ****-eating ****sucking doos!” Father Merrin, Georgetown
Getting older really rocks. Before even paddling out to surf yesterday, I tweaked my back. While simply looking for my car keys next to my seat. Pomegranate van Rooyen, Ketchup Point
Big airs, alley oops, reverses – that’s all soooo 2019. Surf pro’s, you really wanna impress the WSL judges? Just do the Ice Bucket Challenge while getting barrelled. Then put it on TikTok. Sasquatch Booysens, Onderste Bo
In the USA, a jersey is known as a sweater. In South Africa, a sweater is anyone currently residing in the country in summer 2023. Welcome Mat, Donnerville
