Mr Miyagi advocated a slow and measured approach. Although that wasn’t for a surfboard to be fair. How do you wax up your surfboard? Or do you prefer both front and tail decks, and sneer derisively at those old school dudes crouching over and vigorously applying scented wax to their foam? Do you create a tiny patch of wax for your front foot, or basically spread it all over your deck like buttering toast? Do you put it on the bottom of your board? If so, please read this Surf Science article and reconsider the state of your mental health.
This article is all about a generally nice-smelling little block that makes surfing possible. Wax doesn’t get as much traction (see what we did there? Comedy gold I tell you. Editor’s note: Good work bru.) as other surf equipment such as boards, wetsuits and the like, but it certainly is no less important. So let’s forget the full deck fans for now and simply talk wax. Let’s wax lyrical about wax. Wax is as iconic a part of surfing as the waves themselves. For a while, South African slang referred to surfers as waxies. Although the term isn’t as popular as it used to be, it has stuck (again, see what we did there? Editor’s note: You’re pushing it now bru.).
Beyond surfing, educated folk speak about “waxing lyrical” as we did above, or “waxing philosophical”. Jeff Goldblum in The Fly spoke about “wax messianic.” Then he turned into a massive acid spewing mutant fly. Our point is clear.
Wax can be cube shaped, give or take, or a disk. Trident believes the market is clearly wide open for a spiky ball shape. We’d certainly buy surf wax shaped like a medieval morningstar. You heard it here first folks. Regardless of its shape though, its function remains the same. Rub it on your board for grip. And once again, this is where surfers differ – in their application of wax. Trident has seen some surfers wax up their boards with about as much energy as a drugged sloth, while others rub their sticks with the manic speed of an over-caffeinated woodpecker. Do you rub it in little swirls? Or diamonds? Do you give it a good comb over later, or leave it au natural? How often do you wax up? Every surf? Every few surfs? How often do you bug Trident in the parking lot for some spare wax, and do you know Trident is keeping a log and will be billing you shortly?
Trident has once had their wax peel off their surfboard in neat strips, like the bad guys’ faces in Raiders of the Lost Ark. This was on a brand spanking new board, and for whatever reason (like the yeti, this remains unexplained to this day – temperature perhaps?), it refused to stick to said board on its very first maiden surf.
Temperature plays a significant role in choosing the correct wax. For our three major surfing provinces (Sorry Northern Cape – you’re lumped in with the Western Cape for the purposes of practicality) it generally works like this: Western Cape – cold water wax, Eastern Cape – cool water wax, KZN – warm water wax. So why on earth would you occasionally find tropical wax in surf shops in Cape Town? Is there some weird freak of nature beachbreak on the way to Elands that produces barrels in 30 degree water? Or does the person responsible for ordering the surf shop’s stock have a railroad spike driven through their head?
Surf wax comes in a variety of cool scents, like bubblegum and coconut, but for heaven’s sake whatever you do, don’t eat it – despite it’s alluring smell. Trident has been hoping for some beer scented wax, or perhaps fried chicken scented – but these may just confuse the no eating rule even further. A real tragedy if you ask us.
Another use for wax is for emergency ding repair. For a surfboard, not the surfer’s body. Although, Trident supposes in a pinch, one can indeed block up a gaping hole in your head with surf wax if sand or a jellyfish is too impractical. Fixing a ding with wax is surprisingly efficient, but about as pretty as pollution.
The next time you’re waxing up your board with that humble, inoffensive little blob of sweet smelling stickiness, spare a thought for how important it is. Better yet, spare some for your mates. But sooner or later, they’ll be receiving your surf wax bill. Nice.
