Whether it’s a photo, a video clip or a free surf – start paying attention to the facial expressions of your peers. What do their mugs look like as they carve, cruise, caress, contrive and cutback their way through wave after wave? Do they look happy? Aggressive? Do they look like they’re suffering from explosive stomach ailments? Ignoring the way they actually surf – are their facial expressions ones of sheer simple joy, or laser-like intensity and concentration? Do they look driven and intense, pretentious as hell, annoyingly cheerful, annoyingly tearful, annoyingly fearful – or do they simply look like a lost fart in a potpourri shop? Who are we to judge (though we do judge), but here is a list of the most likely facial expressions you’ll see on surfers.
Number 1: The Blowfish cheeks.
Social media and modern times has devoted much time to deriding the notoriously despised “duckface’. Yet, there’s another aquatic member of the animal kingdom that makes its way into the expressions of otherwise very much human faces. Trident tends to see this expression on the faces of surfers who can actually surf well. Nonetheless, the puffed cheeks and pursed lips kinda make dudes look like squirrels storing nuts for winter. Or maybe like competitive eaters just before they finally spew out the 10 kilogram burger and 4 pints of lager they were hoping to get for free for eating in under 10 minutes. Perhaps the sustained expulsion of air somehow adds some spice to their turns, or makes them weightless when they boost. Either way, they really do resemble a blaas-oppie with bulging eyes dangling at the end of some disappointed fisherman’s line.
Number 2: The “I-don’t-take-myself-too-seriously-but-in-reality-I-take-myself-way-too-seriously” grin.
Far be it for Trident to throw a stink bomb at people truly and thoroughly enjoying themselves. Admittedly, surfers smiling too much while er, surfing, is a personal gripe of Trident. Like the more extreme forms of rock and hip hop, we believe surfing is an activity that shouldn’t include too much smiling. But we get it. It’s fun as hell and some people are just born smilers. However, there is that contrived smile of “hey, my grin shows just how carefree and chill I am while I surf” on their profile pic while ignoring the fact they were swearing aggressively and dropping in on groms two waves prior, and giving everyone in the parking lot the patented stinkeye.
“Different facial expressions…” by nickgraywfu is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.
Number 3: The intense focus of a would-be pro constipated look.
Jaw firmly set. Steely eyed glare. Doesn’t talk much, if at all, and their face resembles a carved block of dark granite, only somehow even less friendly. Then you see them take off on a wave. With about as much grace and style as overweight convicts in a chain gang. Yet… somehow the expression remains. Intense concentration. Perhaps because they’re concentrating on not crapping their wetsuits based on the severity of their poo-man stance. And of course to be perfectly fair, this facial expression can be found on the poor surfers, the inadequate, the mediocre, the average, the intermediate, the advanced and the freaks alike. And it’s always a little silly. Unless you’re at Teahupoo or gritting your teeth in a Pipeline drainer.
“facial expression – anger” by DesignFathoms is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.
Number 4: The “this-way-too-much-effort” grimace.
This is the default expression of every once fit and athletic surfer that have now been put out to pasture somewhat. It doesn’t matter how well this oke actually surfs. He or she could rip for all we care. However, every turn they do is coupled with a loud grunt like an overweight warthog in heat and a facial expression to match the sound. This surfer looks constantly out of breath. And not because they’ve just had twenty 200 metre waves in a row. No. It looks kinda more like the scene from Ghostbusters where they’re climbing up twenty flights of stairs. Trident isn’t suggesting we all quit our day jobs to become freakishly fit but surfing nonstop, but we are suggesting you give up the daily pizza and donut specials. And we certainly are saying avoid smoking tik at all costs.
Number 5: The “OMG what am I doing” expression of shock/surprise/bewilderment/absolute terror.
Are you a beginner? Did you just see a shark? Did you just see a shark and shart yourself? Are you a beginner who just saw a shark and sharted themselves? Did you just drop into the biggest wave and/or heaviest barrel of your life? Generally that look of bewildered gormlessness (often depicted as WTF with social media reigning supreme) will only be because of the reasons described here. Those – or some tool just burned you. Sorry Big Eddie.
