Zen. That’s what a surf should be. However, there are many frustrations that can utterly destroy the concept of Zen while you’re surfing. And sadly – yes indeedy pardners, there are even ways to get yourself fuming like a reggae festival in Knysna before your feet even get wet. Experienced any of the following before?
Number 1: Breaking your wetsuit zipper.
This has happened to Trident on several occasions while getting ready to surf. And more often than not – you break your wetsuit zipper while the surf is firing. This is one of the reasons Trident now swears by zip-free suits. Which can only tear. Like when you’re trying to get in the darned thing while the surf is firing. Oh dearie me, I’ve just torn my zip free suit.
Number 2: Receiving an important/urgent phone call.
Sure, in this country having your phone by the beach can be a bad idea anyway – if it’s still there when you’re finished surfing you most likely mutter a prayer of thanks. But most of us need to take our phones regardless; for emergencies, for work or for live surf reports from our mates. Once we’re ready to surf however, we mostly forget about them until… just as you’ve suited up, sun blocked up and wetsuited up and you’re about to leave your car for the bliss of the breakers – your phone rings. Horrors! It could be your boss, or a client. Perhaps it’s your doctor, the cops, or your granny. Maybe it’s your wife, reminding you to buy dishwashing liquid or announce she’s about to give birth. The birth of your child?! How dare she interrupt your surf before it’s even begun with such trivialities.
Number 3: That charts got the conditions wrong. Like, really wrong.
Nobody is suggesting you were expecting Indo-like perfection at your local. But there was some swell on the charts, with decent winds. The surf should be okay. However, upon arriving at your local wave, the scene unfolding before you looks about as enticing as a swinger’s party for the elderly at a slaughterhouse. The waves are either nonexistent, or 8 – 10 foot as predicted, with the onshore blowing so hard you can literally smell centuries worth of dead sailors from the parking lot.
Number 4: Seeing that doos.
You’re a fairly amicable dude. Sure, you’ve occasionally had your temper flare-ups, and sure, you’ve occasionally had someone lose their rag with you. But for the most part, you get on with most other surfers in the water. But there’s always that one doos. Who you see in the parking lot, suiting up to go surf and unfortunately not about to bugger off. Whether they continually snake or drop in or you, or you once had heated words with one another, or you once dated their current girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse or indeed, dated them – for whatever reason you and this person simply don’t see eye to eye. And seeing them about to paddle out at the same time as you puts you in about the same mood as you’d have at a queue at Home Affairs.
Number 5: Crowds.
Whoaah! Crowds! Well, give me some shrimp, slap my ass and call me Pedro, does this one come as a surprise! Here’s the flip side to number 3. The charts are 100% on the money, and the 4 – 6 foot perfection you were hoping for is accurate as hell. Unfortunately, the several hundred other surfers in the area who happened to use the same swell charts are also equally as happy about the prediction. Hey presto! Before you’ve even hit the surf, the crowds have already caused you to strip your moer.
