When it comes to surfing, not all crowds are created equal. Indeed, what looks intimidating in terms of sheer crowd numbers may turn out to composed mostly of a bunch of inconsequential harmless nana’s. A massive horde of 50 plus surfers may turn out to consist of nothing more than several dozen prepubescent groms barely capable of paddling out in the first instance, let alone actually surfing. On the other hand, a crowd of ten or so surfers may be some of the nastiest, gnarliest, most feral locals this side of a movie about stranded shipwreck survivors resorting to cannibalism to survive. Trident takes some of the guesswork out of what to expect when you’re faced with ant-like swarms of surfers at any break in the world.
Number 1: The frothing groms.
These energetic little bastards are generally harmless, although surfing with a bunch of them can be like trying to avoid potholes, rubble and drunken loiterers on a freeway. They may be having the funnest time of their lives, screaming in delight and grinning away while paddling all over the place like sea otters on speed, but they often lack a sense of how dangerous surfing can be. Avoid riding them over we say. Trident assumes you don’t want to damage your board nor have a lawsuit directed at you. Also, it’s utterly psychotic to surf over kids. Other adults – yes – but not the young ‘uns you sociopath you.
Number 2: The frothing foreigners/students/older beginners.
Basically, this lot is similar to the groms. Just a lot bigger, which in turn makes them even more of a hazard then the above. That being said, they’re less likely to arrive in massive groups, but you will never find them alone. They’re more likely to behave like a pack of hyenas than be a lone leopard. Generally, their attitudes are fairly chill. However, their sheer lack of surf knowledge coupled with their apparent lack of self consciousness can be a massive problem. Although you’re less likely to get a verbal tongue lashing from their parents, you may just be on the receiving end of some choice swear words. Often said in French, or German, or Spanish.
Number 3: The surly locals.
Uh-oh. These guys. If you’re part of the pack, you won’t know what we’re talking about. If, however, you’ve surfed any break but your own, you’ll know the type. Tight-knit, generally numbering around 10-20 okes, all with a combined IQ of 112 and with tempers like a honey badger paying alimony to their ex-wives. Just be calm, respectful and wait your turn and in theory you should be tolerated. In theory. Just don’t snake, drop in, smile too much, talk too much, frown too much, get in the way, take a wave, paddle out in the first place or be alive at that spot. Then you’ll be ok.
Number 4: The pro’s in town for a surf competition.
So. You consider yourself a fairly accomplished surfer. You know your turns could be tighter, your style a bit better. Your airs a bit higher. You could be more comfortable in bigger waves. Yet, all in all – you think you’re not a bad surfer at all. But when the pro’s grinding on the QS (certainly the CT) show up at your local… Well. You start considering quitting surfing altogether. Humbling.
Number 5: Your local crew.
Ahh. Like your favourite worn-out, hole-riddled blankie that smells faintly of feet, paddling out at your local surf spot into a crowd of people who all know each other is pretty comforting. Except for that one doos. **** that guy. And also of course, **** that other guy with that silver car. What a doos. Then there’s those other wankers, who always surf together ‘coz they’re utter kooks. **** them all and the mid-length they rode in on. And don’t get me started on ol’ ****face.
