Long blonde hair, body lean, ripped and tanned and a permanently fixed goofy grin. This stereotype defined the appearance of a surfer for decades. Nowadays however, the typical surfer look has diversified somewhat. At your local spot you’re likely to see different breeds of our fellow sea creatures. Nevertheless, to a non-surfer certain outward characteristics seem to prevail in the popular opinion of what a surfer looks and acts like.
Number 1: The Hippie.
No leash, no wetsuit, no clue. These throwbacks to the 60’s are most often found with dreadlocks, bandana’s (before everyone was wearing one), riding an old yellowed fish or a single fin log. Often smells of body odour, seaweed, weed and incense, and is often seen thanking the sun for rising and blessing it when it sets. Harmless, and generally quite charming if you can see past the insufferable sense of self righteousness the hippie surfer often possesses.
Number 2: The Hipster.
Not too long ago, hipsters and hippies were interchangeable phrases. Now, the hipster distinguishes itself from the hippie by the carefully selected choice of vintage, limited edition attire, the “I-don’t-care-about-my-hair-but-get-it-trimmed-weekly” hairstyle and the dadaesqe insouciant “I-don’t-care-if-you-like-’em-or-not-but-if-you-don’t-like-them-I-will-cry” tattoo’s. In the 70’s, these bearded, banjo-playing bespectacled tools wouldn’t have looked out of place in the Louisiana backwater swamps, chewin’ tobacco and waiting for someone to squeal like a pig. Despite the backlash against hipsters, they’re generally okay. Unless you hear them whining they can’t wear suspenders with their wetsuits.
Number 3: The Goofball.
All red, bloodshot eyes and vacant grin. Like the hippie, these okes often smell of body odour, seaweed, weed and incense. Unlike the hippie, these guys mill about aimlessly like they’ve been lobotomised. Utterly without malice and usually quite fun to hang with in a gormless way, these guys are generally good for a laugh. Indeed, they themselves chuckle ceaselessly at just about anything. Lame jokes, surf reports, a casual “howzit” , global conflict, famine, environmental holocaust, the agonising existentialist sorrow of the universe coming to its inevitable end – most topics of conversation will elicit a dull witted smile from this type of surfer.
Number 4: The Model.
Trident is not entirely sure how accurate this category is these days. Nonetheless, back in the heady optimistic 90’s the likes of bronzed, blonde, beautiful Baywatch babes, long-haired Fabio and Cobain wannabe’s were the norm in the water. Like, in those days, Kelly had hair and was deemed too pretty to be taken seriously. Hah! We scoff now, to those naysayers of the day. Still, even if we’re uncertain surfing carries the same sexiness it used to (Google it: it does actually), there’s no denying the sport has more contenders for beauty pageant winners than, say, rugby, or golf. Or darts. Or competitive eating.
Number 5: The Rebel.
Again, this is a stereotype that has largely changed over the years. Actual surfers however, know better. Mark Richards. Christian Fletcher. Andy Irons. With or without a cause, our sport is rife with rebellion. Consider all those anarchists who were surfing during hard lockdown. Indeed, Trident was birthed in the spirit of punk rock and views bureaucracy with disdain and contempt. Many non-surfers see surfers are aimless layabouts. Not true. Our priorities are simply aligned differently. Some people can’t wait for the working day to end so they can watch the Kardashians, while others take a day off to play golf (which is seen as acceptable because it’s not a day goofing off at the beach). Meanwhile surfers give society in general the middle finger and bugger off when there’s swell. Who cares whatever else is happening; work deadlines, shopping queues, license renewals, weddings, emergency toilet trips, claiming a multi-million Rand lotto win, the birth of their first child. When there’s a wave you surf and to hell with everything else. That’s a rebel.
