This year has barely begun and I’m already becoming nostalgic for a better time; namely 1371 AD. Why 1371 AD specifically? Well, I’d like to go back in time and surf uncrowded Muizenberg, and it’s extremely unlikely the Khoi-San had under-the-radar invented Stand Up Paddleboarding back in the undocumented southern African Middle Ages. M McFly, Great Scott
I’m gonna start filming a new “extreme” reality show called “Ultimate Useless Car Guard of the Surf Parking Lot.” Sure, on any given day most car guards are about as useful as nipples on a screwdriver, but the sole aim of this reality series is to crown the most useless of them all. Tom Bone, Trombone
I’m declaring my own sovereign nation of any area surrounding me to a radius of 3 meters. Gonna have my own flag, anthem and currency. Also, my national sport will be changing into wetsuits in under 10 seconds. It’s an Olympic Year after all, so this will happen, mark my words. The Right Honourable Otter Fart, Fluff Point
I’m making the unpopular call – I miss former World Surf League CEO Erik Logan. Erik Logan, Former World Surf League CEO
It’s a good few weeks into 2024 already, and I have yet to get into any kind of physical altercation with any other surfer in the lineup so far. In fact, I’m awarding myself a Nobel Peace Prize for not having headbutted anyone recently. I’m a model of restraint y’all. Wheelie Bin, Cape Saint Broccoli
