Right. Any attempt at writing this article without first entering a zen-like state will be inadvisable, as the outrage and fury the WSL’s mid season cut instills in us has already made us wanna throw our computers out the window.
Ok. Still not in a zen state.
But we’ll soldier on regardless, brave journo’s that we are.
Why, WSL, why?
In terms of good ideas, the World Surf League tour cut must rank somewhere along with invading Poland (and dare we say it – invading the Ukraine), building a city below an active volcano (hey – the view of Mount Vesuvius is incredible), taking Hellman’s Mayonnaise off the market and sun tanning one’s butthole.
Thankfully, our two South Africans (Go Matt and Jordy) on tour have survived the cut, but here’s a crazy truth. Right now, even though there are only 2 Saffa’s after the cut, that’s literally double the number of mainland Americans left on tour. (Go Griffin Colapinto.) Incidentally, to Trident’s knowledge – Jordy is now the oldest surfer on tour now that Kelly’s been canned.
Yes, but the Hawaiians remain.
Oh sure, plenty of Hawaiians left (Go John John), but in one fell swoop we said goodbye to the likes of Nat Young, Kolohe, Jake Marshall and the GOAT. More on Kelly Slater later. Later Slater. We’re trademarking that. Anyhow, check it out – one true blue mainland Yank left on tour. Crazy there’s more South Africans now. Boerewors and Castle over burgers and Budweiser.
Sadly, we lost real characters like Jackson Baker, who upended what a stereotypical surfer should be. Indeed, the tour needs more personalities than generic robotic athletes in a soon-to-be AI dominated-world.
Speaking of athletes – just name one sport where the sportspeople underperforming in a season get unceremoniously booted off – BEFORE THE END OF THE SEASON. We’ll wait. Not football, not rugby, not tennis, not golf. Although being clobbered and ending up with a steadily dissolving brain may ruin some boxers’ dreams, they still don’t have a mid-season cut. Nor does cricket, hockey, volleyball, any American sport. Nor in athletics, swimming, bleedin’ table tennis or curling for all we know. Hell, even the World Competitive Yodelling Association has no mid-season cut to our knowledge.
Kelly is kaput. Wildcard Shmildcard.
So back to Slater. The world’s greatest surfer kinda forced into retirement based on some arbitrary cutoff line? It’s sorta like getting rid of your once beloved partner for farting too loudly. This is a dude who won eleven World Titles. Who becomes a wild card this year, a kind of Gold Watch attempt at patronising him.
But if Trident were Slater, we’d tell the WSL to shove that wild card somewhere extremely unhygienic. After all, the first article Trident ever published was dedicated to Slater. Read about the GOAT again in all his glory right here.
