Unless you’ve been living under a rock or you happen to be Australian, you’ll be aware that the Rugby World Cup 2023 has been going strong since the eighth of September. Now Trident has alluded to this unusual symmetry between rugby and surfing before, notably after the Boks won the last World Cup and Siya went surfing with Jordy. Check out the article from a few years ago here.
Anyway, Thankfully, South Africa has made the semi’s so we can breathe a sigh of relief until this weekend. Thus, in honour of RWC 2023 it’s worth delving into some strange but undeniable similarities between two very disparate sports on the surface.
South Africa is like, lank good.
To begin with, South Africa is extremely good at both sports. We’ve won RWC three times already (fingers, toes and genitals crossed for a fourth) and although we’ve only ever had one Surfing World Champs – two if you count UK-born Martin Potter – we’ve had Jordy ranked at Number 1 on a few occasions. We have world class rugby stadiums throughout the country, just as we have world class surfing spots throughout the country. Indeed, if anything rivals surfing and rugby in terms of things that South Africans are actually good at and is popular nationwide, it’s stuff like crime, corruption, protests, having no electricity and drinking.
And cricket, I guess. But that’s a conversation for the Cricket World Cup. Side note: the reason soccer is excluded is although it’s the most popular sport in SA; let’s be honest – Bafana Bafana are about as talented as a pair of your Oupa’s moth-eaten old stokies.
Also, unlike say – darts or speed walking; one has to be really fit to excel in either surfing and/or rugby. Granted, the kind of fitness required to surf is quite different to compete in rugby. Nonetheless, it’s unlikely either kind of sportsman would suffer cardiac arrest walking up a flight of stairs while carrying a shopping bag full of marshmallows. That being said – try get a surfer to run the length of a rugby field, and/or try get a 120kg prop forward to paddle out on a 25 litre frisbee-like shortboard and the differences in exact fitness become crystal clear.
Still, you gotta be pretty damn fit to do well in the two sports.
Neither sport is laidback in the slightest.
Here’s another similarity: although the general public believes surfing is super chill, surfing is just as – nay, likely even more aggro than rugby. In rugby, you have to be tough enough to take on your opponents head on. In surfing, you have to be tough enough to take on the elements – and more often than not – your opponents too. Rugby it’s straightforward – your opponents are the opposing team, and your opposing number in general. Who are a surfer’s opponents?
Well, depending on the day and the surfer in question, a surfer’s opponents can be any or all of the following: other surfers, locals, beginners, swimmers, SUPers, lifeguards, groms, grom moms, jellyfish, sharks, mussels, barnacles, car guards, car thieves, beggars who demand “money for bread”, honest beggars who demand “money for tik”, honest car guards who demand “money for tik”, tikheads, one’s boss, astronauts, bureaucrats, mimes, Imperial Stormtroopers, slippery wax, the cost of petrol, the Spanish Inquisition, bad waves, a gammy hip, clowns and “urgent phone calls”.
Another odd similarity is how kinky the two sports are. One involves generally fit men in black gimp suits getting all wet and dancing on phallic-like boards on water. The other involves generally fit men in shorts getting sweaty and fumbling and climbing all over one another. All to the ongoing soundtrack of grunting, hooting, whistling, swearing and triumphant shouting.
The ref/judges can suck it.
An unfortunate but clear similarity the two sports also possess is in competition how much influence the judges/referee can have on the game. In surfing this is obvious; judging a sport which doesn’t rely on points will always be somewhat subjective. See also: gymnastics, diving, figure skating and competitive Morris dancing.
Now, in rugby one would think scoring is obvious. In points, yes certainly – but the potential negative impact a ref can have on a rugby game is no less disastrous than a surfing judge. This year in particular the WSL judges came under fire for some questionable scores. Likewise; in many of our SA games (Ireland offsides much in our Pool game hey Ref?) not only in the 2023 RWC but in plenty of games over the years, the ref has basically single-handedly ruined any chance of an SA win. Rugby referees and surfing judges are sorta like malevolent deities with the power they wield. Unlike say; beer pong, competitive eating or any kind of racing sports where there’s always an obvious first place.
Another point of similarity is both sports require big balls. Metaphorically speaking. Although of course, rugby also requires actual, physical balls as well. Rather testicle-shaped, Trident must point out.
Food for thought. Any other similarities Trident may have missed? Tjoon us in the comments one time.
