Trident recently had an epiphany. What exactly is the key issue about stand-up paddleboarders, foilboarders and their ilk that at best – irritates surfers – and at worst, leads to full scale revolutionary violence? We probably also need to include sports like paddleskiing, canoeing and their derivatives. Even that unacceptable malibu paddle board crime against nature things lifeguards use as a scourge in lineups the world over.
Is it these annoying gits complete lack of adherence to etiquette and rules? Or could it be the fact they never seem to possess the necessary skills to actually control their wayward equipment when they wipeout? (Wipeouts which incidentally, they seem to do inordinately more often than surfers.) Could it be the mere fact they have more money than intellect? After all, foilboards and SUP’s are damned pricey and could instead bet you a full quiver of decent surfboards.
No. Oh okay, yes, the above points do indeed make these guys especially irritating. However, all of the above annoyances could apply to all and any surfers. Bodyboarders too, bless them.
So why have we not made mention of windsurfers, kitesurfers and that kinda vibe?
Well, before we explain our epiphany in detail, to a large extent both windsurfers (if people still bother to participate in windsurfing) and kitesurfers prefer mad onshores that interest surfers about as much as finding out what species of seabird just splattered snow white poop all over their windshield while they were surfing.
Trident’s epiphany…
The Key Issue with stand-up paddleboarding, foilboarding (and paddle skiing , etc) is that these sports don’t actually require waves. Revelation! Simple. Riding an actual wave on a stand up paddleboard is kinda incidental, even secondary to the act of just, well, standing up with a paddle on a big board and floating about on the flats. Same with foiling. You can do it on flat water, on rivers, dams, lagoons, estuaries and anywhere really.
Same with kiting and windsurfing. And even though surfers and kiters/windsurfers barely clash, it bears mentioning that all these watersports don’t actually require waves in order to actively pursue them.
The other day Trident was having a pretty fun surf in one of the Western Cape coastal towns, only to bear witness to a probably father/son combo of paddleskiers snaking and paddling for every damn wave. Completely oblivious though they clearly were, it didn’t make the situation any less tolerable. Now, we’re not about to mention our opinion that paddleskiing looking about as stylish as riding a large toilet seat. To each their own. However, ignorant or not, their behaviour was inconsiderate to say the least.
However, if they were paddleskiing in the flats, or far out to sea (hopefully no never return), they could have if they wanted to. So why should non-wave watersports bother to fanny about on waves? Let’s be fair, other watercraft ou’s will inevitably just ruin waves. So why not go somewhere else?
You can foil, SUP, paddleski and canoe on flat water. Revelation!
And therein lies an unanticipated beauty of these sports. Foiling, SUPing, anything with a sail and/or paddles/oars, can be done on water proper surfers have no interest in. To a surfer, whether shortboarder or longboarder (and bodyboarders too, bless them), paddling is secondary. The wave is a surfer’s means of propulsion. Not only propulsion, but also the means of expression. In other words, the sport of surfing is solely based on waveriding. Well, duh. But yes. Whereas with the mentioned watersports, waveriding is secondary or even incidental to what they are doing.
So why should foilers and/or paddleboarders etc descend upon waves like scavengers on carrion? Please help us understand the logic. Why must these buffoons gravitate to a crowded surf lineup? Why not find some deserted wave away from surfers. You’re gonna kook it anyway, and your inevitably lost board won’t end up causing someone a rib or head injury.
It’s like picking the most crowded, dodgiest bar to get a drink, rather than finding a decent quiet pub with marginally fewer bloodstains on the floor.
Therein lies the Key Issue with Stand-up paddleboarding, Foilboarding (and their ilk).
The most fun aspect of these sports is not taken advantage of. Trident would be happy to foil, SUP (we’ve already tried), but frankly the expense isn’t worth it in our view. However, being able to float on still water where surfers can’t is intriguing. Yet the participants on these kinds of craft cannot seem to grasp simple logic. If you are not a surfer, don’t raise the tension by being in a place you have no business being in. You don’t need waves, so leave them to waveriders instead. Simple.
These thoughts also apply to that one ballie “bodysurfer” we’ve seen at our local. Man up bru. Get yourself a surfboard, or go somewhere else. We’re done trying to avoid you.
