The best job to accommodate surfing time.

I dunno about you lot – but right now Trident is writing this week’s article while frothing like a rabid mongoose that’s just eaten washing powder. All because there are a coupla waves about today and I’m amped to surf. Yet, I still have to right this silly gosh darned article.

So let’s keep this quick so I can pack the car and limber up and make sure I don’t have to stop for toilet breaks along the way.

We all love surfing. Otherwise you wouldn’t be on this webzine right now, right? Anyway, we all love surfing – yet we can’t all be pro surfers. So unless you regularly land full rotation airs at 25 foot Cloudbreak, what’s the second best option to ensure you never miss out on waves when they’re firing? Right off the bat, let’s exclude jobs that by their very nature, are very surf-focussed, like surf tour guides or skippers for surf charter boats or Hollywood stunt men and women. Even jobs that are part of the industry like working as a surf instructor or in a surf shop are not quite surfing proper, and may actually dull the gloss of surfing enjoyment. As for being a surfboard shaper, inhaling toxic foam dust while making sleds for ungrateful chops who will no doubt blame their board instead of their own lack of ability when surfing like an errant turd will also destroy some of the joys of surfing. Obviously, any job that requires spending a lot of time inland are also out. What we’re looking for is some kind of flexi time, like growing your own magic mushrooms or being a hitman or something.

For all intents and purposes, unless you’re a vampire, surfing can only practically be done in the day. Therefore, the first options that come to mind are jobs that can be done at night and/or require a night shift, of which there are plenty. However, being a bartender or nightclub owner may sound ideal – party all night, surf all day – but at some point you’ll need to sleep. So if you don’t crash your car while dozing off driving to the beach, you’ll most likely crash in the water, fall asleep and whatever happens next, happens. So although night jobs sound killer, being an emergency room doctor or nurse, or fireman, or police officer, or factory worker, or internet sensation working at night may sound ideal – at some point we all have to sleep. Like right now. Excuse me. zzz. No headmaster, please don’t make me tapdance with the eels again. zzz. Hey! I’m back! What did I miss?! Oh ja. This article still. Oh well, let’s carry on.

Another option to ensure surf time is quite obvious – be gainfully unemployed. This actually works in some first world countries, which makes us at Trident extremely resentful. However, in our country your unemployment relief wouldn’t even cover one bar of surf wax, so once again – impractical for us in South Africa.

A good bet to maximise surf time is to either work and/or live near the beach, to stretch out those lunch break sessions, or get some tube time both before and after work. However, in winter’s limited daylight – and the fact it could be firing only on the other side of town an hour’s drive away – this is a tentative solution at best. To be fair however, this is the compromise most of us settle for.

So what else would work to maximise surf time when the waves are on? The main criteria is leaving a fair bit of daytime open to allow for surfing. Trident needs to do a Top Five list in the future no doubt. But here’s some more ideas; videogame developer, artist, chef, musician (watch out ending up as a rock star though, you won’t make it past 27), writer (hasn’t quite worked out for us at Trident yet folks), gravedigger, corrupt politician, telemarketer (everyone will hate you so expect no set waves), cult leader, juggler, surf caddy (no, there’s no such job – yet), Autobot, professional yodeller, Batman, black belt dog-groomer, emergency mime, rope tangler, Jedi, tenured professor of working mid-mornings only plus teatimes, crocodile wrestler, part time refrigerator, human cannonball, orang utan, doorstop, full time gargler, cartoon villain from the 80’s, rodent taxidermist, low-budget skydiver, clown.

That’s it folks. Or, just be damn good enough to be a professional surfer.