Surfing solo – the agony and the ecstasy.

If a tree falls in the woods and nobody was around to hear it, did it actually fall? If you landed your first ever air and nobody saw it – did you actually land it? If you got tubed for 10 seconds and nobody was around to witness it, did you even get barrelled?

There are a myriad of reasons a surfer would choose to surf alone, and it’s all kinda selfish, let’s be honest. More waves, fewer crowds, less snakes etc. However, there are only a few reasons a surfer would actually find themselves alone in a session; a shark attack seconds previously, gigantic waves nobody else wants to touch, a dead whale, a country in a civil war, a global apocalypse. So for the most part, like ‘em or loathe ‘em, crowds in surfing are here in stay, a concept that has been elaborated on ad nauseam.

Yet, what about those unusual, random solo surfs? Is surfing alone still really possible in this day and age? And we’re not suggesting flying off to (or paddling to) Prince Edward Island or Marion Island (yes, these two islands are indeed part of South Africa and apparently produce decent waves, but are about as accessible as the fifth level of Hell and are only slightly less cold), but we’re talking about surfing alone in and around your home town. Trident’s home province is the Eastern Cape – not exactly an area which has the population density of Manhattan. However, it is also home to Supertubes, and good luck surfing that spot alone mis amigos. Still, there are some secret spots and not-so-secret spots around, enough to ensure the very real possibility of getting a break to yourself on occasion. And no, Trident ain’t telling for love or money. But some are cunningly named Secrets. Good luck finding out where exactly Secrets are/is though. Although… the singular lack of imagination when naming a secret spot “Secrets” beggars belief. Why not call it something which will permanently put people off, such as “Exposed Guts Reef” or “Crematorium” or “Severed Testes Ledge” or “Donald Trump Point.” A-n-y-w-a-y…

Another way to guarantee surfing alone in perfect waves is time travel. Unfortunately, only Trident has this ability. However, going back to Jurassic or Mesozoic times might mean uncrowded, cooking surfing in Pangaea, but Trident was snaked by a megalodon, and had our spare wetsuits stolen by a pterodactyl. Also, the T Rex’s would be the most obvious culprits, but everything wants to eat you, including said snaking megalodon. Literally everything. Plants, fungi and the insects want to eat you. Even the sand and rocks occasionally try eat you. The Ice Age didn’t cut it either, as everywhere was, well… frozen. Trident has a high cold tolerance, but surfing frozen waves is impossible. Time travel in the age of humans was tricky as well, as often ancient peoples would see Trident riding the surf, and begin worshipping this lone surfer as a god. Bonus, you say. Nothing wrong with that, you proclaim. Ah yes. Until the ancient folk began sacrificing other people to us as a tribute. And Trident just couldn’t have that on our conscience. Not unless it barrelled every wave. (Which it didn’t.) Trident has also tried going forward in time – but trust us – although you can score waves by yourself – you do not want to see what’s in store for us humans in just the near future, let alone millennia in the future.

If you can’t time travel; one could consider travelling to other planets to find uncrowded surf, but space travel is just silly. Come on, let’s get real here.

No time machine, no spacecraft – be creative when finding other ways of finding decent surf all to yourself. Surfing during a World Cup is an option always, as well as during the local WSL event finals. Paddle out in polluted surf, whether it’s a dead whale or a nuclear meltdown – you’re pretty much guaranteed to surf by yourself – although you may end up minus some limbs – or frankly, sprouting extra limbs.

Or, you can deal with the simple fact that surfing is simply damn fun, and other people will want to enjoy the waves as well, you self centred, selfish miserly pratt.

PS: Never throw a shaka at a T Rex. Their small, two-digited forearms won’t manage and they’ll attempt to eat you for your trouble.