Trident has led the way in surf journalism in myriad ways. Pioneers some would call us. Others would describe us as visionaries. Courageous. Relentless. Individualistic. Still others would call us insane, or idiotic. Regardless of one’s personal attitude, Trident has yet to jump on the bandwagon of How-to guides. This being such an unimaginable oversight, Trident will strive to bring more of these to you, esteemed reader – in the near future.
So, to launch our first how-to guide, we shall start with one of the most fundamental aspects of surfing: the pop-up. Now, although we are sure most of our readers are at the very least slightly familiar with surfing, we must assume there are those readers who wouldn’t know their pop-up from a pop-tart. To wit; we shall guide you through the most basic of surf manoeuvres.
Step One:
Let us start with the very basics. In order to ensure you learn good pop-up techniques; you need at the absolute least two items; a surfboard and a gently-breaking wave, just powerful enough to propel you forward. Additional but useful extra’s would include: wetsuit, leash (careful you don’t entangle and strangle), wax, shark repellent devices, crash helmet, welder’s goggles, jet propulsion, Velcro on your feet and surfboard, camera crew and news team just waiting on your success with breathless anticipation as well as sunblock. Don’t forget the sunblock.
So ja, ensure you have a surfboard. You do? Fantastic! Do you have waves surf it in? Like, waves in an ocean? Do you have an ocean? No? Well, go get an ocean for Poseidon’s sake. We’ll wait. Okay, you have an ocean now? Fantastic, let’s hit it!
Step Two:
Approach the mild, 1-2 foot waves with respect. When lying on your board, place your body about an arm’s length from the nose of the board. However, if you’re 6’3 and your board is 5’6, you’ll completely ruin how that works. You’re killing me man. So just make it happen. Anyhow, you’re out there waiting for a wave. Anticipation gives you the jitters. You expect to be the next John John Florence.
A wave approaches. Now! As surf instructors the world over shout: “PADDLE!” (Ed’s note: I swear, that’s the only thing surf instructors actually do.)
Step Three:
While still lying prone on your board, swing around as quickly as you can. Top tip, turn so that you’re facing the beach. Paddle as hard as you can, regardless of whether your arms resemble steel cables, two minute noodles or tentacles. Half the speed and power you get on a wave is from the initial paddle. Imagine Jaws is behind you, feeling both frisky and hungry if that’s what it takes to make you paddle harder.
Now, observe that feeling of the wave taking you, like being swept up in a river, or in the arms of a lover from a cheesy romantic novel. Don’t nosedive now! Ah. Oh my. Too late, eina! Oh well, the only way you learn is by occasionally going arse over tit. Of course, a few nights in traction may put you off the whole surfing lark for life, but that’s ultimately your decision.
Step Four:
Okay, so let’s assume you’ve now completely arsed up your initial take-off a few times. So moving on; so let’s try actually get up on a wave, shall we? I guess Trident probably should have led with this – but can you do a push-up? Popping up on a surfboard is essentially the same thing as a push-up. Beginners seem to think it’s all about one’s legs, but it’s about pushing up like one would, well uh – a pushup.
Step Five:
Perhaps the trickiest part. Popping up isn’t like, say – getting to your feet from a chair or getting off the toilet. It needs to be both more deliberate and less conscious than that. So, try this – get your legs up and under from your prone position to where you plan to stand on your board. Indeed, we also should have led with this – but ensure you are one of the two following stances; regular (left foot in front) or goofy (right foot in front). If there are any other stances, Trident is unaware of them but is always open to learning new things, so let us know if you have another preferred stance. Perhaps the kickstand, or various Twister positions. Or, if you’re a showboat surfer from circa the 1960’s – the headstand.
Anyway, most of us just use our feet. Boring I know – but hey. So. Assuming you know which foot goes forward, land perfectly in that position. Great success!
Step Six:
Remove your hands from the deck of the board. Fall. Then repeat steps One through Five over and over until you get this part right: remove hands from the deck of the board. Don’t fall. Great success!
Step Seven:
Confidently surf the wave. If you feel you can launch an air, be our guest. Nice one bru! By the way, Trident has a disclaimer for all of these steps – only try this if you can actually swim fairly competently. We probably should have led with that.
