Like tears, sweat, biltong and the dried-out slap chips left in the bottom of the greasy bag after you’ve scoffed the rest – seawater is salty.
Some cultures believe in the health-giving and invigorating powers of seawater; hence one quite often sees random okes collecting seawater in empty 2 litre Coke bottles and such. Indeed, there is a small industry based on re-selling this collected seawater, for as little as R5 a pop. Trident says – why the hell not; we’re a free market country – for now. However, if you’re standing on the beach 4 metres from the shore selling saltwater, that’s ultimately a futile and rather poorly thought out enterprise. Sell it inland, you poephol. Much further inland.
Trident knows about salt water only too well, as with probably 100% of all surfers globally – Trident has often (unwillingly) ingested seawater. In fact – if it were possible for one to vomit out all the gallons of seawater this author has swallowed over decades of surfing – there’d probably be enough to solve the country’s drought. Except, it’s be seawater. So make that enough to fill a wavepool then. I digress. Bottom line is, seawater tastes kak; and after spluttering and coughing it up after some gnarly wipeouts – Trident casts serious doubts on its efficacy as a health-giving substance.
The Red Sea is the saltiest open body of water in the world, enough so to simply toss vinegar over any fish you may catch it and chow them immediately. This is in contrast to the Dead Sea, which is a closed off body of water, and is so damn salty you can not only float in it – but after doing so, people could do body shots off you for a year if correctly equipped with tequila and lime.
The scientific name for salt is sodium chloride, NaCl. Part sodium, part chlorine. This explains the sterilising effects of salt, as in saline solutions and chlorine in pools as well as its ability to preserve things. A famous phrase about a worthwhile fellow is “they’re worth their salt.” This is due to the practice of ancient Rome paying its soldiers in salt. If you ask me though, that’s the very definition of a crap salary. Imagine paying for, say – a lapdance – with salt. Where would you put it? The mind boggles.
Seawater is denser than fresh water, and means you probably need a slighter more buoyant surfboard when in a wavepool. Not to mention several thousand dollars just to get there in the first place. I’ll take the salt water we have right on offer on the coastline thank you. Along with the lime and tequila.
Failing tequila, stranded sailors would no doubt occasionally succumb to the temptation of drinking seawater. After being shipwrecked and expending all one’s fresh water, the appeal of drinking one’s own urine would be limited. So, next best thing – salt water. Trident says: “hell, no!” Swallowing seawater accidentally is bad enough. We say, remember these famous lines from Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s classic poem The Rime of the Ancient Mariner:
“Water, water, everywhere,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, everywhere,
Nor any drop to drink.”
You see, we at Trident are all like, cultured and kak. And we hope you’ve learned a little today, about salt water and why you may resemble a doughnut dipped in powdered sugar after you surf.
PS: Sidenote: one can buy tequila now, as booze is no longer verboten. Just behave yourselves you unruly rascals.
