Back in the mists of time when Trident was learning to surf, there was no such concept as a “surf school”. Indeed, the very phrase seemed an oxymoron; surfing was the polar opposite of school and therein lay its appeal. Instead, we mostly all learned to surf from a combination of trial, error and the ever constant threat of injury and/or violence, often enforced by a purple-faced local apoplectic with rage.
The idea of surf coaching was likewise a purely conceptual, vaguely hippie-ish flight of fancy.
Verily, what breed of stupid pillock would ever willingly part with their hard earned cash to be taught how to surf? After all, surfing was something beginners could learn by themselves quite easily. All a beginner needed to do was avoid being impaled with one’s own surfboard or being drowned and/or donnered by the crop of angry locals at any surf break.
In hindsight though…
Ah, the folly of youth. In retrospect, if Trident had been properly coached by someone with an iota of surfing experience, we postulate we could’ve had at least one World Title under the belt by now. Sigh. Nevertheless, we can’t turn back time. (Ed’s note: At least not yet, but when we can… I’m heading back to the 90’s to really work on my air game. And my roundhouse cutback). Yet, we can still embrace a relatively new venture – surf schools.
Although coaching can form part of surf schools, for now we shall delve only into the teaching aspect.
Like many longtime surfers, Trident has occasionally felt compelled to selflessly offer up valuable time to help beginners. Forget the cash payments, this is all about generously guiding the youth, man. (Ed’s note: For the purposes of this article, we are only discussing official, paying surf lessons and not half-arsed attempts at getting either your friends, romantic partner, kids, parole officer or your cult’s monks to try out surfing.)
Give back to surfing for Poseidon’s sakes.
Teaching beginners is not particularly easy in our experience. The phrase “herding cats” comes to mind. So do the phrases “pearls before swine” and “shooting oneself in these foot”, as many of these beginners are about as gracious and grateful as a honey badger trapped in a picnic basket.
To be fair to ungrateful surf school trainees, in Trident’s experience many surf school instructors feel all their job entails is screaming “Paddle! PADDLE!” at the newbies until a vein bursts in the foreheads. (In the instructors’ foreheads that is. Although, the burst vein could very well occur in the learners’ heads for that matter.”)
“Blackboard” by coo is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0
Some instructors feel the need to explain every scientific detail of ocean wave action to the last molecule’s movement, while other instructors simply shrug and gesture vaguely at the ocean while dreaming of their medical marijuana stash (for their glaucoma). This all before surf newcomers’ feet have even touched water.
Trident reckons many surf schools exist simply to have a small taste of the surfing lifestyle dream. No doubt others exist only to sneak a peek at the German surf tourists publicly undressing. All while being paid. Either way, investigating surf schools is not something we can comfortably fit in one article. More shall follow on this developing industry.
