Judging by how some okes paddle out and still reek of their deodorant, cologne or aftershave in the surf, Paco Rabane and its ilk has to be the most effective shark repellents known to man. Why else wear that stuff while surfing? Scentless Apprentice, Paris
Dear Scentless Apprentice
Monsieur, have you ever conseedered that maybe heavenly scents such as these, serve to attract rather than repel? Wink wink smile smile winky smiley face ;)?! Peppy Le Pew, Harassmentville
The next time another surfer drops in on you, burns you or snakes you, just find out where they live. Then, in the dead of night, break into their house and sneak into their bedroom. Whether they are currently sleeping on it or not, just squat over their pillow and… A Heard, All Over the Damn Place
Dear everyone who comes up to me in the parking lot and asks to borrow wax, wax combs and/or sunblock
My goodness gracious good Ben Gravy people. You’re in the parking lot assumedly to surf, right? You managed not to forget how to get to the beach right? Of course you remembered your surfboard and your wetsuit, the two fundamentals of the sport for sure. Yet somehow you managed to forget you’re going surfing – and you forgot your wax, wax comb or sunblock? Seriously? How did you even get to the beach? Did you remember to top up your vehicle with petrol? Do you sometimes forget to eat? Do you sometimes forget to put on pants before going to work? Do you sometimes forget to wipe your arse then wonder what that overwhelming odour of stank is? Do you occasionally forget to breathe? Seriously, just come right and get organised already, or Trident will just casually forget you’re in the water and take all your waves. Trident, Trident Surf
The Eastern Cape is in the grips of a crippling water crisis and it is utter nonsense we waste precious H20 on certain frivolities and luxuries such as personal hygiene. Therefore, next time you’re at the beach to surf – fill a bucket with seawater and use it to brush your teeth by golly. Sea Low Green, Nonsensefontein
