It’s pretty cool that at my local surf spot, lifeguards and surfers seem to be on more friendly, amicable terms. However, they should seriously rethink their uniform of miniscule, bright red speedo on their chubbier members. Come to think of it, none of their members should wear something resembling a bright red handkerchief. Or anyone possessing the faintest shred of dignity for that matter. Soup Whiskers, Typex
The international exchange student “surfers” in the waves around us literally all have the same excuse when they cause a dangerous collision (in various accents): “Sorry, I didn’t see you.” What do these foreign tools do? Take an A3 tab of LSD and paddle out, thinking they’re a kraken or something? Pint o’ Paint, Wombville
I’m utterly convinced car guards at surf spots are magical, supernatural beings. Sorta like unicorns, leprechauns and tokoloshe. Reason being; when you first park your car, they’ll be nowhere to be seen. The instant you return to your car, they will appear out of thin air demanding money for “looking after your car”. Eerie. Methylated Sprite, Fairy Circle
A touch of the flu? Clogged sinuses? Go surfing my bru! Works better than a trip to the doc and meds. And is tons more fun of course! Granted, the slimy, luminous green stuff in the sea surrounding you looks like something outta the Predator movies, but it’ll probably also help keep the crowds at bay. Predalien, Unnamed Central American Jungle
I reckon we surfers don’t make enough effort to attempt an understanding of other cultures. We never, for instance, try to communicate in the languages of the sea, despite the amount of time we spend in the ocean. So from now on, during each session – I’m only gonna communicate with y’all in Dolphin. Eee eee eeeee eee indeed! Flip “Flip” Flipper, Pod
