No. When we speak of other “assorted garbage”, we’re not necessarily referring to tik-addled car guards. Or greasy-haired degenerates in trenchcoats lurking in the sand dunes, binoculars firmly focussed on sunbathing nubiles. (But it can.)
No. In this case, Trident is referring to garbage in its literal sense. Trident has touched upon environmental issues plenty ‘o times, such as here and here for example; but this article refers to the insidious, everyday crap we see on the beach so often it becomes part of the landscape.
Plastic is the worst offender of course. Plastic shopping bags. Seemingly indestructible, sterile and uber-convenient soda and water bottles. Cheap plastic cutlery from takeout joints who should know better. Drinking straws. Arrghhh! Don’t get us started on straws. Just drink straight from the damn can or bottle like a hero for Poseidon’s sake! Anyway, all of this petroleum-derived rubbish ends up in landfills if we’re lucky. But so much of it – so much – ends up floating like artificial jellyfish in the sea, soon to sink and end up somewhere in Davy Jones’s locker.
Read our lips. R-E-C-Y-C-L-E.
As for recycling? Pffft. Although Trident recycles obsessively, supposedly only around 90% of all plastic manufactured actually gets taken to recycling plants. Sorta a side note here; although it’s obvious some recycling takes place at places like that – for all we know the plant’s employees sit in heaps of the stuff with stupid grins on their slack faces, chucking it all about like preschoolers. Or perhaps recycling plants stuff all the plastic in a rocket ship and blast it to the sun. Trident really doesn’t know what is done with plastic if it even reaches a recycling place.
We digress. Point is folks, plastic pollution is as real as the mole on your nose that you’re worried about ‘coz it’s getting larger and rapidly changing colour. Whether or not you believe in climate change is actually irrelevant. Yeah. We said it. Climate change. Trident ain’t afraid to court controversy.
Climate Change?
Yes, we say your belief or lack thereof in climate change is irrelevant. Why? Well, unless you’re some kind of genuine sociopathic weirdo who believes the aesthetics of nature are somehow improved by bits of plastic kak lying all over… and chemical spewing industrial chimneys farting out churning clouds of who-knows-what… then Trident has to assume you agree tattered Checkers bags lying all over the place looks atrocious.
Top tip – every time you’re outside, just pick some bits of rubbish up and either simply throw it in a bin – or take it home to recycle if you really want a firm “good on you” nod from Trident. Just focus on natural areas though. Roads, parking lots and the like may look unsightly with scattered garbage all over, but they are already man-made and uglier than a 5 surfer drop-in video on YouTube.
So ja, plastic is just the worst. But hey, is it kiff getting changed into your wetsuit pre-surf in the parking lot with broken glass beneath your sensitive tootsies?
We think we need a follow up to this article to encapsulate more of the sheer rage this issue instills in Trident. And so should casual pollution enrage you also, esteemed reader.
