William Shakespeare famously said, “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” Indeed, naming a surf spot after a nearby storm water drainage pipe generally won’t make it smell any worse than any other spot, unless it’s onshore or the carcass of a whale or hobo is around. This is the background of PE’s Pipe. Pipe in Hawaii was also named after the massive pipes being laid down in the early days of its surf exploration and not – as one would suspect or expect – after the massive hollow barrels rounder than an antique cannon. As for the Pipe in KZN’s South Coast… well, those waves certainly resemble massive pipelike caverns of gnarliness.
Last week the excellent, wildly popular decision was made to change the name of Trident’s home town from Port Elizabeth to Gqeberha. Trident finds said new name rather quaint, even though the correct pronunciation sounds sorta like the vomiting aftermath of a tequila binge. Nevertheless, whether one is in favour of the name or not, Trident feels anyone with a functioning brain should reflect that the country has other priorities at the moment. Ultimately you should’ve guessed where we’ve been going with this introduction. Today we’re talking surf spot names in general, as well as specifically South African surf spot names.
One thing is strangely certain though. Unlike the names of towns or even street names – surf spot names in this country tend to be fairly set in stone. I really cannot see anyone renaming Supertubes or Bruce’s Beauties without the entire surfing world rioting across the globe. Likewise, spots with completely harmless or unobtrusive names such as Secrets, Tubes, Rockies, Point, New Pier, Salads are unlikely to be earmarked for any change of name. However, with outrage culture pretty much offended by everything and the kitchen sink (“It’s not diverse enough!” “It’s patriarchal!” “Sinks aren’t trans-normative!”), it remains to be seen what new lows and levels of stupidity mad social justice warriors will sink to. (Ed’s note: “Sink to”! That’s some gold star writing right there! Author’s note: Well, that wasn’t intentional but always nice when things work out.)
However, one can make a case for a spot with the moniker “69’s” being offensive. Also, if you have the sensitive temperance of a dandelion in a light breeze and you’re South African and know Afrikaans, spots like Inner Kom or Outer Kom could be considered rude as well.
Sometimes, the name of the spot will pretty much be a clue as to what kind of wave you can expect to surf. Nobody paddles out to spots with names such as Dungeons and Cave Rock expecting it to be a mellow, waist-high beginner’s dream. Surfers tend to keep things simple, hence spots such as the above mentioned Secrets. Trident knows of several spots named Secrets, thus named because they’re less obvious, kinda outta the way surf breaks. Several spots named Secrets. The irony isn’t lost on us. In fact, irony plays very little part in naming breaks, so any place with a very hardcore sounding name should be immediately treated with all the respect of a nuclear waste spill in a third world country. Although “The Donkey” doesn’t sound too terrible nor intimidating (although, Trident has visions of a bad tempered version of the mule from Shrek kicking the living crap outta you), the Namibian goofy footer’s wet dream’s newer name, Skeleton Bay, is about as gnarly as a surf spot’s name can get. If you travel even further from South Africa however, there are places with names like Cyclops, Jaws and Maverick’s which should conjure up images of simultaneously being eaten alive and drowned while going through a divorce. On the other hand, there are spots with names like Graveyards, Gas Chambers or Suicides. These barely count as surf spots, and are mostly either spectacularly unsurfable, or are the gnarlier end section of a proper wave. These kinda overly nasty sounding breaks were probably named by someone with a serious Call of Duty or Quentin Tarantino fetish.
On the other hand, there are surf breaks simply named after the beach or stretch of coastline they are found on. Eland’s Bay, Long Beach, Llandudno, Kalk Bay, Muizenberg, Main Beach, Humewood, North Beach are prime examples. As are many places in the wild coast and desolate Northern Cape coast. Once again, beyond our country’s borders this same naming method also applies; so spots like Nazare (Nazareth in Portuguese), Waimea Bay, Nias and Teahupoo may seem unassuming to the uninitiated. But these are big wave spots that demand sacks of buckets of bags of respect and experience, not to mention a pair of balls so large they’d have their own gravity and satellite system. More appropriate names for spots like these might’ve been “Soiled Boardshorts”, “Death Wish” or “Major Regrets”.
Some surf spots were named after the way the wave breaks. Think of “The Wedge”, both the Californian and the Plettenberg Bay versions. Then there are breaks named after a quirk of the geography, or a man-made feature. The Fence was initially named after, well, uh – a fence that used to be near the harbour wall in Port Elizabeth. Hell’s tits, it must’ve used up a shitload of imagination when coming up with that one. Conversely, Trident remains tickled pink by “Loch Ness”, a spot on PE’s wild side so named for jagged rocks that stick up near the break resembling the fabled Scottish monster. Getting the spot really good is also somewhat of a fable.
Everyone has a favourite/least favourite spot name. Tune us in the comments.
