Not too long ago, one of the surf industry’s most iconic brands found itself mired in controversy for its decision to kowtow to the transgender minority. Boy (or – girl), what a misfire that was! However, I must say that I personally identify as a prickly pear. I still have yet to find a single wetsuit that fits me, let alone a wetsuit that caters for the community of spiky constipation-causing fruity beings such as myself. Do better, surf world. Apple P Appel, Bathurst
As a scholar of mythology, I reckon if Hercules had a thirteenth task; it would’ve been “carrying your surfboard back to the parking lot during a gale force offshore.” The fourteenth task would’ve been “you also have to pay the carguard as well.” Zeus Deus, Mount Olympia
Dear Zeus Deus
Whether you’re being deliberately facetious or not, I personally have been witness to the effects of some serious offshore winds along our coastline. For instance, just the other day I saw girls’ weaves flying through the sky like giant, manic airborne spiders. Sometimes the girls were running after them, screaming blue murder, while other times the weave was hurtling through the air with the girls still attached. Obz Server, Observatory
If I had ever gotten my Hogwarts letter – you can bet your bottom dollar I would’ve started Griffindor’s first surf club. Or possibly Slytherin’s. H Potter, Surrey
I recently cut myself on the ragged lid of an expired, radioactive tin of tuna. I now seem to possess all of Aquaman’s powers. Yet, I can still barely pop up on a surfboard. Ultimate fail. Art Curry, Maine
