Are you not talented enough, fit enough or young enough to be a pro surfer? Are you not interested in joining the fascist empire that is the surf industry? Yet, you’re still interested in making a living from surfing? Well, the solution is simple! Monetise your surfing by charging okes to watch you surf at your local break. Easy! Seriously, I can’t be the only one with all the good ideas, right?! Wot Theactual Esquire III, Poopfontien
Been seeing a lot more penguins while surfing lately. This is either because the famed flightless seabird’s population has thankfully increased – or Batman is surfing incognito. Either way, I feel it’s a win. Hahaha! Joker, Gotham
We surfers are acutely aware we need our environment to be pristine. Unfortunately though, most of our equipment is hardly eco-friendly (boards, wetsuits etc). However – I have a great tip for old and/or broken leashes in particular. Simply upcycle them into sjamboks. Who you use them on is entirely your call; although giving them to car guards for discretional use comes to mind. You’re welcome. Splat Splatter, Spatula
On one of the decent waves I klapped a few turns on yesterday, someone enthusiastically yelled “Bokke!” I’ll take it. Combo Steak, Ruckbie
After decades of surfing, you can still have an unfortunate bail and end up with a supercharged wetsuit wedgie. Or – to be less offensive in these politically correct times – a neoprene enema. Booty van der Merwe, Soil
