Like you, dear reader – Trident has witnessed the rise of the popularity of stand-up paddleboarding, or SUPing for short. Now, before you call us prejudiced – some of our best friends are SUPers. However, those guys tend to be surfers first and foremost, and thus see SUPing as a convenient way to remain in the water when the waves are poor, marginal or nonexistent altogether.
Then… there’s the other kind of SUPer. The kind that’s never surfed before at all, and therefore views SUPing as a handy way of entering surf culture without ever understanding it (or trying to.) To this end, we at Trident tracked down the average stand-up paddleboarder, and bombarded the fellow with the following interview:
What is it that appealed to you about SUPing in the first place?
As a complete sociopath, the idea of pissing off as many people as possible was irresistible to me. Little did I know however, that not only would I be pissing surfers off by dropping in on them, snaking them and getting in their way constantly, my massive, ungainly board would be pretty dangerous and potentially hurt people also. Which is a bonus.
Okay, but why SUPing specifically? Why not a mid-length, or a foil, or Neptune forbid – a canoe?
The easy answer would be – I don’t have the skills for any of those. But the potential for alarming amounts pain and annoyance those watercraft offer intrigues me. Something to consider. Especially canoes. As with SUPing, the extra equipment; the paddle – which can go flying into innocent faces, washed uncontrollably into a crowded lineup or wielded like a Bronze Age weapon holds huge appeal for me.
This feels like we’re opening a can of worms, but did you experience any severe emotional trauma during your childhood?
Not at all! I had a pretty happy, standard childhood in fact. My father was a former East German wafflemaker and was kicked out the waffle guild for excessive bodily fluids in his waffle batter. He then subsequently met my mother not long after, at a circus where she was the star bearded lady in the freak show. After getting married, they started a lead based paint business, before moving to South Africa where I was conceived in one of the reactor rooms of our Koeberg nuclear power station. My early years were filled with happiness – drinking premium whisky from age six, throwing raw meat at the poor, headbutting competitions with the family goats, collecting and storing your old toenails – you know, standard clichéd middle class suburban kid.
“Stand Up Paddleboard Yoga Sarasota Lido Beach Mangrove Tunnels” by surfitusa is licensed under CC BY 2.0
Um, ‘kay. Dare we ask, but have you ever considered graduating to actual surfing?
I’ve asked myself that very question several times. From the looks of the current average lineup, it’s not a bad idea as you surfers fight so much amongst yourselves already. With me out there on a mid-length to spice things up, it’d make for an interesting experience don’t you reckon!
What do you think is the perfect skill set or requirements to SUP?
Although medical procedures like frontal lobotomies are less common these days, having part of your brain removed would be a huge boon to your SUPing career. Also, if you generally totally ignore each and every traffic rule while in a vehicle, that’ll come in handy in this pastime. Most importantly, if you have a repellant personality and a blatant disregard for all other lifeforms, start SUPing!
Do you have any parting wise words?
No.
Come on, surely you have some nuggets of wisdom?!
No. If I did, I wouldn’t be a SUPer.
