Me, generously dishing out useful surfing advice to a beginner: “My bru, paddle with your feet together, otherwise you create unnecessary drag in the water and you also look like you’re offering up your bottom to be vigorously violated by an orca or something.” You can call me a humanitarian or something similar if you like, but really – I’m just an ordinary, humble oke. D Lusional, Mound
Dear all my friends who are teaching English in the east. Your contributions to future hackers writing more convincing spam e-mails cannot be understated. Sure, at least you can enjoy the occasional surf trip to Indo and such nearby though. Dirty Piesang Van Tonder, Swill Point
Surf fins and their allen keys. Has anybody else noticed what wonderful tools they are for scratching in your ears when they itch. Or for that matter – scratching in your bottom? Alan Keye, Cape Spitty
After my surf last week, I noticed the newly-self appointed “car guard” at my local break asking for tips. He’d just come outta the toilet block, “fresh” from washing his stank pits and ‘nads and other stuff I guess. So I indeed gave him a tip. I advised him: “My bru, if you want money here, don’t wear that All Blacks shirt.” Crotch Moodley, Glandville
I was thinking of writing a sci-fi/fantasy series either as graphic novels or indeed – as prose novels – about beginner surfers out in waves of consequence who happen to possess average functioning brains. Then I realised, even in the sci-fi/fantasy genres – that would seem ridiculously far fetched. Edward “Smelly” Sigonya, Holhare
