I am gatvol of okes always wanting to borrow wax and/or sunblock off me. Henceforth, I’ll be taking a leaf out of the book of prisoners and airport smugglers and I shall now store my wax and sunblock up my bottom. Next time someone asks to borrow some, I’ll point my butt at them with a manic grin and gleefully say: “Here! Help yourself my bru!” Holy Longbottom, Gatfontein
I really don’t mean to sound like an insensitive type, but let’s be completely honest – even though it’s still sorta winter and colder than a polar bear’s mother-in-law, everyone looks a right pratt when wearing their wetsuit hoodies. Judge Mental, Hoedspruit
Worried about losing your fins in the sea? No problem! Simply drill a hole in each of your fins, and take a leaf from our cyclist brothers and sisters and attach a bicycle chain to each one. Thread the other end of the chain through your leash loop. Alternatively, for additional security, whether you ride a single fin, a twinnie, a thruster, a quad set-up or a bonzer, drill more holes in your board for each chain. You’re guaranteed never to lose another fin again! Biscuit Barkhuizen, Barkinmad
I fall into the “aging surfer” category, and certainly am feeling less sprightly and flexible with each passing year. Yoga and the like remain popular methods for increasing flexibility and stretching, but why haven’t we surfers looked further into the past? I’m speaking of course, of medieval torture devices. Surely the stretching rack could help us all with those inflexible muscles and noodle-like tendons? The Grand Inquisitor, Spain
I turn old surfboards into Zulu shields. To what end you may ask? Well, unless there’s a home Springbok game, a period movie or a traditional ceremony, this has no practical purpose. Still, repurposing old surfboards into traditional Zulu shields has to be cool! Just putting it out there. Bummer Dlamini, Over There
