Like that old Disney song, it’s a tale as old as time. And sticking with the vague Disney theme, said movie studio once had an animated skunk as a character. He was in Bambi as far as Trident recalls. A sweet natured beast, with a heart of gold who in reality would’ve smelled like a cross between a swamp and an abandoned glue factory. But of course, Disney wouldn’t have been able to describe the creature like that, at least not in those long-ago kids’ movies, devoid of any sly adult humour which would keep mom and pop entertained throughout.
We digress.
Getting skunked, that inevitable eventuality that is part of surfing, happens to us all. Ah, Flower! That was the skunk’s name! (Ed’s note: You’re not being paid to review movies. Author’s note: I’m not being paid – full stop. Ed’s note: um…)
Anyhow, anticipating killer waves – or even fun waves – or, well – just… waves, then being presented with an ocean as flat and windblown as a salt pan, or as wild and unruly as a flushing toilet has happened to us more times than we can remember. If you’re a surfer, no matter how dialled in or how knowledgeable you are about certain spots as well as the swell charts – you’re gonna wind up being thoroughly disappointed a few times in your surfing journey.
Surf charts. How we detest you.
Lately, the charts have been frustrating this summer. When swell and favourable winds are predicted – they don’t seem to arrive. However, when a flat and/or onshore spell is predicted – the charts are as accurate as the atomic clock. Seriously people. Meteorology clearly is the only science which isn’t an exact science.
We may as well consult a fungus-riddled old sangoma to throw bones to foretell when next it’ll be firing. Indeed, maybe all those crappy A5 posters pasted all over poles and electrical boxes throughout South African cities may actually have something to offer. So look out for the numbers on those kak stickers advertising the services of one Dr Manakowanathata “to bring back lost lover” or “win the lotto”. Phone the oke and pay to get an accurate wave prediction out of him. Tune us if it works.
There are worse things in life than kak surf conditions.
Ja, so getting skunked will happen to us all. However, even when inaccuarte – the charts will at least present us with something surfable. So get out and surf. Doesn’t matter if it’s not quite as good as you suspected. People think getting skunked is one of the absolute worst things that can to happen to a human being, right up there with earthquakes, war, polyps in one’s rectum, Eskom, undercooked pasta, mismatched socks and ties, not being able to find the sticky end of sellotape, the Star Wars prequels and sequels, dirty wax, expired seafood, potholes, pushy malodorous car guards, the finale of Game of Thrones, taxes and large corporations appropriating street culture.
Surfers may think getting skunked sucks. It does, but like that old saying – if the waves are much kakker than you expected them to be, make lemonade. Trident doesn’t think this motto comes from Disney though.
