Water. Ah, water. The colourless, odourless wet stuff that makes our beloved time wasting possible. Thanks to global warming, there may just be a lot more of it in its liquid form, which is not a good thing. So no doubt snowboarding will decrease in popularity, and surfing will become the most practical way to commute to work.
The Chinese had water torture, and in the cutting edge mental hospitals of the 1800’s and early 1900’s, hysterical patients were placed in ice baths to calm them the hell down. Nowadays, you more regularly put solid blocks of frozen water in your soft drinks or Jack Daniels. Speaking of freezing, perhaps someday scientists will get cryogenics right, so we can all freeze ourselves until the day they’ve perfected a wavepool on every street corner. Count me in.
There are many things that look like water but aren’t. Petrol, wee, vodka, Sprite. Water in its liquid form is kinda soft, but will slam you into a reef or sandbank with all the force of a Boeing. Some days in the water you score decent waves. Other days you’re simply out there to collect garbage from the ocean, and stuff it in your wetsuit to recycle later. This is important to do as much as possible (see global warming above.)
South Africa has had half the country in drought and begging for the rain, while the other half has had floods. This is called irony.
Obviously, the temperature of water varies drastically throughout the world. Cape Town’s water may seem freezing, but to a polar bear it’s like a hot tub. Trident has seen some surfers toughing it out in boardies and a vest in mid winter. Conversely, Trident has seen dudes in 4/3’s in 24 degree water, no doubt only wearing their wetsuits to prevent slipping off their surfboards from all the sweat. Water temperature and how we deal with it is a very personal thing. The differences in body type, whether you’re male or female, the thickness of your wetsuit, the thickness of your skin, and the thickness of your brain all play a part. If you’re an SUPer, you’re out of the water most of the time, so you’ll unlikely feel the cold water as much as a surfer does. However, as a SUPer, you’re also unlikely to ever date anyone in your life again, so Trident still doesn’t recommend it.
Most surfing takes place in salt water, the realms of Poseidon. Trident highly recommends not drinking seawater, but some cultures drink it to cure various ailments. Who are we to judge. The salt in seawater makes it denser than fresh water, meaning it’s easier to float in. This is why every summer, hordes of chubby inlanders invade coastlines the world over, filling sunny beachbreak lineups with floating, pasty obstacles apparently unaware of the concept of bathing flags.
The composition of human tears is akin to seawater. So next time you’re stuck at work, missing out on barrels galore, just make yourself cry to emulate the feel of seawater on your skin.
