In several past Top Five articles, Trident has discussed several types of surfers such as top five most annoying locals and top five weird locals. Perhaps more significantly, we also checked out certain kinds of older surfers. As well as top five kinds of beginner surfer.
Top five kinds of beginner surfer – not necessarily groms. Which we will address in this Top Five article. We’ve all witnessed plenty of enthusiastic young kids speedily paddling around the lineup like baitfish. Beaming groms with all the energy of an over-caffeinated hummingbird, frothing like a rabid stoat that’s just brushed its teeth with baking soda.
So, ladies and gentlemen (Trump says there’s only two genders now, sorry to those who identify as manatees), Trident presents – the Future of Surfing. The girls and boys of today, who may grow up to be the pro’s of tomorrow. However, like us all – they will eventually certainly be the ballies of tomorrow.
Number 1: The sweet natured grom who is a delight to anyone a bit older than them in the lineup, but Hitler to their peers.
“What a nice kid!” You think to yourself. “So well mannered and respectful in the water!” Until you actually start paying attention to their behaviour with the other groms. This kid will sit a little inside of the all the older locals. But… they will treat said inside section as their own private fiefdom when it comes to anyone younger than their mid teens. Nobody is getting a wave off this little Caesar. Once you – ballie local that you are – start learning his or her game, you are slightly surprised that some of the other young groms aren’t extending their right arms upwards and and calling this unpleasant little brat Mein Fuhrer. Best way to deal with this little hell spawn? Simply encourage all the other groms to snake, drop in and generally harangue the little Jekyll and Hyde.
Number 2: The grom whose parents live vicariously through them, believing them to be the next Gabriel, John John or Carissa.
There are countless surfing prodigies born into outrageously talented surfing genealogies. The likes of the Fletchers – Christian and Nate, their parents as well as their kids – as well as the other Nate, Ivan and John John in the form of the Florences, the Andinos, the Kerrs, the Smiths (Keep an eye on Jordy’s model/surf pro-to-be son). We’re gonna stop there ‘coz there’s simply too many surf families to mention. Hmmm. Could be worth looking into surf family genetics in future articles. Anyway, mom and/or dad surf, and indeed – sometimes they actually surf with some skill to be sure. Sadly though, like any over enthusiastic rugby/soccer/tennis/water polo mom and/or dad, this grom’s parents believe their progeny to be worthy of a future World Title. The moment the kid was potty trained, he or she was whisked away to J Bay. At 6 foot Supers, the grom was given a high performance board, thrown out to sea and told to “shred”.
Ironically, some of these kids actually have surf talent. However, the obnoxious behaviour of their parents is so appalling it overshadows any natural progression. Trident says progression. As once the child learned to stand on a surfboard, any enjoyment they may have had for the sport had all but been wiped out by the constant pressure from their parents. Shame on them.
Number 3: The groms whose parents know precisely diddly-darn-squat about surfing.
This kid is in direct contrast to the above. Regardless of the grom’s level of talent, their parents are utterly bewildered, baffles or bemused by surfing. Often all three, but always entirely befuddled by this weird wave-riding lark. Oftentimes, the parents view their grom surfing as some kind of embarrassing aberration. Sorta like a boy playing with Barbie or wanting to become a nun (boy or girl). Other parents are more open minded, yet still wonder when their child will take to playing a real sport. Like rugby, or cricket, or ping pong. Or darts.
Number 4: The grom who believes they ARE indeed the next Gabriel, John John or Carissa.
Slightly older than most groms, this kid has confidence in buckets, often with just enough talent to back it up. However, their abilities and skills in surfing are not in dispute. Their attitude is. Paddling around every other surfer in the lineup, for every hint of a wave, is never justified. Nor is headbutting someone who is legally a minor. Still, this kid is infuriating. There’s no respect for anyone else in the water. Unlike Grom Number One who at least defers to the older, more experienced okes in the water. The way to deal with this kid is probably to remind them how easy it is to do air reverses when you’re 15 and weigh all of 45 kilograms. Trident says take solace in the fact this kid will likely be more into beer and parties soon. Then will eventually study/apprentice and become a responsible adult. Maybe. Unless of course they do go professional. Then claim you were a mentor to the kid while they were growing up. Remembering them well as “a nice young guy with tons of talent.” Or perhaps they become a hobo. Regardless, when this kid does eventually grow up, we all win.
Number 5: The frothing young grom whose own energy gets us all frothed up.
If you’re lucky enough, it’s your own grom who does that. More often than not though, it’s the local grom constantly yelling “yeeuuuuwww!” at the top of their lungs. All the while grinning and hooting when a solid set rolls in, regardless of who’s riding it. This kid is respectful to everyone. Everyone, literally. And wherever their skill set currently lies, they love surfing enough for it not to matter. Nevertheless, that same love of surfing will probably propel them to actually genuinely shred some day. Good on yer, son.
