Some of these ideas are relatively new, while others have come and gone over the past few decades. Each and every one of them warrant a second chance however. They may not be quite on the same grand scale of invention as the venerable wheel; nevertheless each gadget would be spectacularly useful to any surfer. Trident wants them all to make a comeback.
Number 1: Surfboard noseguards
Like the mullet hairstyle, surfboard noseguards aren’t disappearing soon. And also just like the maligned mullet, most people don’t have them. This author swears by them personally, but recently I’ve come to question why I use them at all. This is simply because if nobody else in the lineup persists in using them, what difference does one slightly safer board make? It’s like having the only car on the road with functional brakes. Sure, my board may be less likely to impale anyone through the eye… but it hardly helps being the only one of dozens of potential resinous death missiles to be less dangerous. Also, the current versions are made of rubber or slightly yielding silicone. Still damn hard as far as I’m concerned, more than hard enough to damage someone anyhow. It’s time to reconsider noseguards, and the materials currently used; even if it’s a homemade hatchet job spliced together from old pillows or something. In fact, noseguards should be absolutely mandatory for beginners.
Number 2: Surf exercise equipment
Many surfers are notoriously lazy when it comes to being active apart from surfing. Trust me. Trident gets it. Stretching is tedious as hell, and when surfers stretch on the beach pre-surf; let’s be honest, it looks odd. Not only does a pre-surf warm-up stretch look vaguely pretentious, but also resembles some kind of weird cult fertility dance. As for other forms of exercise, as useful as they may be – nothing quite beats surfing to prepare for surfing. Indeed, we’d all rather be surfing than playing frisbee, gyming, jogging or getting concussed playing rugby. Only problem is, waves aren’t always 6 foot and perfect every single damn day. No matter what all the locals in certain surf towns may claim. So, to improve one’s surfing – one ostensibly needs a commitment to regular forms of exercise. Why then, are items such as the surf paddle bench and the balance board so traditionally under-utilised? Budget? Boredom? Complete and utter disinterest in any exercise unless it involves saltwater and surfwax? Fair enough. Easy to understand. But just wait until your forties and you dislodge your hip trying to take off in a 3 foot gentle A-frame. You may rethink the balance board then.
Number 3: Surf goggles
I remember ads from the early 2000’s for a certain eyewear brand, with a top South African pro wearing surf goggles (or surf glasses if you prefer which sounds way less dorky). Why on earth this particular piece of surf equipment isn’t as ubiquitous as wax or a surf leash is beyond me. This author suffers from dry eye syndrome, which means the eye doesn’t wash itself as effectively as those blessed with better ocular function. A minor condition to be sure, like having faulty windshield wipers. However, there are tons of surfers who wear prescription glasses, so why not a waterproof set? All surfers could no doubt do without being sandblasted in the face with strong offshore winds and seaspray like water cannons at a peaceful protest, and the heavy sun and salt makes our eyes look redder than those of the local cannabis oil salesman. This is something that must make a comeback and soon, fellow surfers.
Number 4: Retractable leashes
You know what is super rad? Being in perfect position for the set of the day, the whole pack hooting and whistling for you as you take off slightly late but gracefully. You drop down the face. You anticipate the section ahead, but you don’t anticipate the leash wrapped tightly around your front foot like a stalker ex defying their restraining order. At best, your legs and snagged leash may you look like a fantasy Elven longbow as you desperately try untangle yourself while simultaneously trying not to kook the wave. At worst, you go arse over kettle over the falls, blowing the wave of the day in front of everyone. Either way, it’s not pretty. And here’s the thing – it’s not your fault, as you’ll so loudly declare as the whole lineup either laughs mockingly or snubs you for the rest of the session. Enter… the retractable surf leash. This is another crucial invention. Once, again something this author saw advertised way back in the mists of time in an international surf magazine. So why has this not been a surf staple? In fact – that could work – somehow stapling your leash in a manner that negates it clinging octopus-like to your legs or feet. Nevertheless, Trident’s mind is blown this particular embarrassing but common occurrence hasn’t been eradicated yet. Come on surf inventors. We’ve sent people to the moon, invented the internet, developed the large Hadron collider and invented Tim Tams, surely we can reconsider the retractable surf leash?!
Number 5: Interchangeable tail shapes
Of all the inventions on this list – this is kinda the newest gadget – so let’s see how popular these eventually become. The concept is simple. Like replaceable fins (if we could invent those, we can invent a decent replaceable tail system I tell you), you have a grub screw and tab system which allows for easy customisation of tail shapes (square, round, pin, swallow etc) depending on wave conditions as well as one’s personal tail preference on any given day. Simple. So why aren’t exchangeable tail shapes more widespread yet? Price? Functionality? Effectiveness? Watch this space, Trident is on the cutting edge and will post more as this develops further.
