The waves are absolutely cranking. Firing, sizey. Like, REAL sizey. Er, maybe too sizey. In fact, just as we started changing into our wetsuit – we saw a clean-up set come through. A solid ten footer. Said wave basically washed the entire lineup screaming like little girls over the rocks. Er. I’m fine, I can surf that. Okay, there goes just a little dribble of pee. And here comes some of the real hardcore guys. Let’s wipe that pee off, and bite back those tears of sheer unbridled terror.
Here’s the ringleader, smirking but approaching you with an expression indicating a vague degree of respect.
“You been out yet Bro?” He asks serenely while his lackeys wax up his board and roll out a red carpet to the gully.
Use a vague knowledge of the tide to your advantage.
So have your excuses at the ready mate. Tide is something nobody can argue with, and we will explain more shortly. For now, if you’ve decided not to surf because you fear for your life and you wish to maintain a level of dignity, acceptable responses can be this:
“Nah bruh, I’m gonna wait for the tide to push. It’ll bring in some more swell. I smaak to charge ekse.”
Or:
“Nah bruh, I’m gonna wait for the tide to drain. It’ll get that much rounder and hollower. I smaak to get tubed ekse.”
The ringleader dips his head in a quick nod of respect and claps loudly to signal his lackeys to hurry up.
Phew! Dodged a bullet there! Now wait for the heavies to paddle out, then get back in your vehicle and vamos outta that spot at lightspeed. Hopefully there’ll be a more secluded cove nearby that’ll fire with the tide drop/push.
The gravitas of gravity.
Tides are caused by the forces of gravity. Gravity in turn is a Newtonian concept famously described as “For every effect, there is an equal but opposite effect.” In this case, it’s the effect of heavenly bodies which causes tides to rise. No, not the heavenly body you saw at the beach with the bikini, which, er, caused something to rise. The planets, the stars, asteroids, the orbiting Death Star – these are all huge objects with severe gravitational pull.
Which brings us to our moon. Not unique to our solar system, but our moon causes the tides. ‘Coz of gravity. Side note; some planets in our solar system also have tides, but sometimes it’s literally a tidal effect on the planet surface ‘coz of the density of the planet. Like Jupiter, which has the consistency of thick syrup. You learn something every day on this website doncha?
We’ll wrap up part one of our Surf Science Tidal Effect article with this: unless you have the IQ of French toast, you know there’s a high tide and a low tide. Keep an eye out for Part Two, where we’ll help you differentiate your spring tide from a Spring Break.
