No, US homeland security. We’re not referring to crystal meth’s nicer, more old fashioned cousin – we’re actually referring to the science of simply surfing fast. Jeez. That really sounds so cool hey. The science of surf speed. The science of surfing fast. And of course, although completely possible (and Trident has witnessed this several times), grabbing a rope and being towed behind a boat/car/guided missile next to a patch of water at breakneck speeds doesn’t count in the slightest today.
No, we’re discussing surfing speedily using only 3 things: the wave itself, the surfer him/herself/itself and the surfboard itself. The 3 most fundamental parts of surfing anyhow.
Newbies attempting speed.
Watch a relative newcomer to the sport. Sure, they can stand up, they can paddle, they can attempt a turn. Watch them try and pump for speed. They don’t gracefully and/or assertively use their positioning, legs and the natural shape of the wave to create speed, instead they flail their arms about as if doing a poor imitation of the titular aircraft of the classic 80’s tv show Airwolf. They think they are moving their board about, but all they’re actually doing is wiggling their nose side to side a little bit, which looks about as slick as mating walruses.
So, how do surfers create speed when the wave itself just needs a bit more juice? It’s sorta like the transition of a skateboard ramp. You ride the downhill part, ie: you go down the wave face – then you force yourself back up by ‘pumping’ with your legs. Then, repeat. Easy in theory. Speaking of theory, if one could find a wave long enough, say – Supertubes on superhuman steroids becoming Super Supertubes – one could pump for speed in perpetuity, or until your body spasms out from so much physical stress somewhere along the coastline of Kenya.
That’s pretty much it newbies. Aim and angle the board for the top of the wave, then gracefully do the same towards the bottom of the wave. The quicker you do this, the quicker you go. In big or steeper waves – you’re gonna need a bit of speed. Of course, science has tried to improve on the speed aspect of surfing ever since the first human saw a piece of insect riddled driftwood and thought, “hey, that would be cool to ride on while a wave propels me.”
Put an outboard motor on your board and call it an surfoutboard.
Daft attempts such as motorised surf craft have historically been available, but are about as cool as publicly soiling yourself then loudly crying about it. Hydrofoils add some speed, but were invented more for attempts at decapitating otherwise innocent surfers in the general vicinity of the foiler. As for SUPers, well, those things remain about as fast as a drugged snail chained to a pot plant, despite what SUP fans may believe about the extra paddle power those, uh… paddles provide.
Kneelos, boogers etc do get extra speed from their extra fins and stuff. However, not much will beat a surfer who knows how to pump correctly for speed. Even though the word “pump”, which we’ve used a lot in this article sounds super dirty, watch any Mick Fanning clips and note his sublime speed. They don’t call him White Lightning for nothing. Which incidentally, sounds like a type of crystal meth.
