The science (and art) of shaping Quiz.

Ever thought of shaping your own board? Ever dreamt of becoming a full time surfboard shaper, the idol of millions? Ever fantasized about owning a surfboard brand name so sought-after surfers will pay through the nose to own one? You wanna shape your own board, live like a rock star, and die happy at age 27 in a hot tub full of champagne and groupies? Well, shapin’ ain’t that easy fam. A surfboard shaper is a unique combination of artist, craftsman, chemist, biochemist, engineer and saint. Saint; coz you gotta have 1) patience and 2) that’s how you should be treated as a long suffering crafter of surfboards for ungrateful surfers worldwide.

Trident has put together this handy aptitude test to test whether you’d be any good at crafting a beautiful beast of a board out of foam, blood, sweat, tears and various other bodily fluids.

**Although you can’t see it, believe it or not this guy is riding a surfboard. This is a fairly important piece of equipment required for surfing.** **Photo courtesy of Marc Thoresson.**

Question 1: The basic surfboard is made from:

Option a. Foam, either Polyurethane or Polystyrene, subsequently glassed with either polyester resin or epoxy resin.
Option b. Wood. That’s it. Tradition and history uber alles.
Option c. Compressed narcotic bricks, duct tape and the sweat of anxious mules at international airports.
Option d. Centuries old-cheese, pixie dust, magic fungi and old bubblegum to give it some spine.

Question 2: The basic shape of a surfboard can be summed up as:

Option a. Nose, tail, rails (the sides), bottom and top decks.
Option b. Shaped like a Native American canoe.
Option c. Resembling the tongue of a prehistoric reptile.
Option d. Resembling the pleasing aerodynamics of the USS Enterprise.

Question 3: Popular kinds of surfboards include:

Option a. The fish, the twinnie, the high-performance shortboard, the longboard.
Option b. The log. Made from an actual log.
Option c. The gun, the rifle, the sub-machine gun, the machete, the katana, the cannon and the tactical nuclear missile.
Option d. The corpse of a deposed tin-pot dictator, flattened out and glassed in resin.

Question 4: Important qualities for a good surfboard shaper to possess include:

Option a. Creativity, attention to detail and the ability to work under pressure.
Option b. The ability to hold one’s homemade liquor and subsequently being able to find one’s own fly without a GPS.
Option c. Being constantly loaded to the gills on Prozac and limited access to loaded firearms.
Option d. The ability to quote Shakespeare on the spot. Or – all of the above.

Here you see surfers picking wild surfboards off the rocks back in the day. These days, the wild stock of surfboards has been depleted. Therefore we now rely on shapers to craft decent surfboards for us. Photo courtesy of Gary Blom.

Question 5: Important safety protocols during the shaping process include:

Option a. Goggles, masks, ventilation and regular fresh air breaks.
Option b. Sunlight, water, veganism, and indoor UV lighting. (For glassing of ‘course, duh!)
Option c. Premises not located on the top of any tall building.
Option d. Not including any radioactive material in any part of the surfboard. Jeez, ja, the last time really went badly. You’d think folks would’ve forgotten about a minor mishap like that already, but no. Let it go already!

Question 6: What do you feel are the most integral aspects of any of your surfboards:

Option a. Speed, flexibility, responsiveness and suitability to a wide but reasonable variety of surf breaks.
Option b. Basically, the polar opposite of the above. But as long as it’s a traditional surfboard.
Option c. Cleverly constructed hiding spaces for contraband.
Option d. The ability to levitate. No really!

Question 7: How do you feel about alternative materials for boards, ie: hemp, recycled material, sustainable material etc?

Option a. I already strive to push myself and be experimental, I keep an open mind about any and all aspects of shaping, including using more earth-friendly and/or progressive materials.
Option b. Hemp my bru. Along with bamboo, aloe vera, compost, raw sea salt, seaweed, sand, almond milk and soya.
Option c. The acid and lime-scoured and crushed bones of my enemies. Great to hide in surfboards. Er, did I say that out loud?
Option d. Totally up for it! Still not sure why my 3D scanned cement boards haven’t sold so well though.

Results:

Mostly A’s. You’re well on your way to being a respected and adored shaper, the idol of millions.
Mostly B’s. Quizzes and tests do not interest you at all. As long as you’re like, at one with the cosmos man.
Mostly C’s. I don’t care about any test results, as long as my underground bunker is secure, and I have enough food/explosives/bunny slippers to last several months.
Mostly D’s. You’ve been allowed out of your padded cell long enough to be informed you’ve won the internet as Shaper of the Year.