What a classic surf session. You got worked, but oh – was it so worth it. Now it’s home time. When you arrive back at the paddock, your partner winks at you. Slowly. He/she/it/animal/mineral/vegetable is hinting for, well something… Nudge nudge! So they tell you to start with a slow, sensual massage. You happily oblige. Kneeling next to them, you warm your hands thoroughly and begin working those back muscles. But – instead of scented oil, sooner or later your nose leaks half of Supertubes onto their back. Ensue screaming, wailing, gnashing of teeth and no more massaging – let alone anything more. exotic
Even before this scary day and age of covid, anything leaking from your nasal cavity would’ve resulted in you being socially ostracised. However, in the time of this pandemic the consequences of a runny nose might be far more dire than simple social rejection.
Nonetheless, if you’ve surfed for any period of time, you would’ve discovered one of the fascinating, most basic laws of physics – what comes up, must come down. (Ed’s note: I think Socrates said that. Or Pythagoras. Or Archimedes. Author’s note: I vote it was Timothy Leary, loaded to the gills on acid.) Anyhow, this law applies to saltwater entering the nostrils, only to exit your schnozz at a later point in time. Generally when it’s most inconvenient, like the afore-mentioned massage scenario – or when giving testimony at court, or when addressing the nation on live tv.
This is what we call the elusive stoke sauce, son. It gets in your ears too bru. Not kiff. One can also experience a salt water enema in extreme conditions, but we shall leave that for another article.
Nasal Niagra Falls
If seawater is forced into your nose by a particularly bruising session and/or wipeout; it has nowhere else to go but come back out your hooter. The oceans don’t just consist of seawater; indeed, there are all forms of life in there, from blue whales to algae. Not to mention the debris of thousands of years of nautical travel, coupled with the disturbing mass of very recent plastic garbage poisoning our seas. Speaking of poisons, what about leaked oil? As well as the dead bodies of drowned sailors over the centuries, and mob informants sleeping with the fishes? As embarrassing and uncomfortable as a saltwater nasal leak is – just be thankful none of that crap ended up wedged up your trumpet. Imagine blowing your nose and having to explain to your loved ones why the corpse of a prohibition-era mobster with feet embedded on concrete is now on your handkerchief. (Ed’s note: Who the hell uses handkerchiefs these days. Author’s note: Pretentious knobs do.)
Still, who cares where the seawater post session leaking from your honker ends up? Whether it’s on your partner’s back or not, the fact they don’t actually know what it is may work to your advantage.
At the end of the day, a salt water sinus rinse is gonna happen more often than not. However, it’s a useful way to clean out your nasal passages. Even if it means cleaning up any pretence you had at dignity.
