Back in the fog and mists of time, the internet was not in existence. We’ll wait a while you millennial types recover from your shock and horror and regain consciousness. Okay, sorted? Right.
What do you mean, no internet?
We repeat. No internet. No Facebook, no Instagram, no Youtube, No Spotify, no online banking, no online gaming, no arguing with other idiots online, no Netflix, no spam mails offering you a business opportunity of a lifetime or declaring you the winner of the Uzbekistani Lottery, no naughty sites, no chimpanzee urinating videos. In fact, this period of human history was even before something called MySpace. You can see what we’re driving at, can’t you? Yup – obviously, we’re alluding to the glut of online surf forecasting websites. (Ed’s note: the fact we even remember MySpace gives away our age. Author’s note: welcome to the party Late Larry.)
Now here’s the thing. What did surfers do, pre-Windguru, pre-Seaweed, pre-Wavescape? Did they go to the local sangoma, who’d predict when the offshore was due to blow by throwing the bones and old bottle caps? Did the ancestors whisper hints of a fresh new south swell on the way? Or did surfers, pre-forecasting websites, use ancient technologies such as television, radio and weather reports in the newspaper to try and figure out the best conditions? In the newspaper?! Like, print, we hear you utter incredulously?!
Trident is relatively comfortable reading one or two forecasts online then making a rough call as to when there’ll be something to surf. But when other, more technically minded surfers start blabbering on about low pressure systems, cut-off lows and cut-off jeans (or some such thing, we stopped paying attention at some point), we kinda glaze over and nod sagely while waiting for said surfer to get to the point. Which simply is; where will the waves be after all this waffling on?
Be an amateur weather guru.
Note, we’re admitting we’re wrong. We should know more about weather systems and how they affect wave conditions. Most halfway serious surfers are amateur weather people, and there are surfers out there that make Trident look like expert meteorologists – they wouldn’t know a swell period, from, well – a period. These tend to be those annoying flakes that randomly phone or text you while it’s howling onshore yet the sea is simultaneously almost tarmac-like in its flatness and ask, “Are there waves my bru?”
Many surfers complain bitterly about other surfers sharing good wave reports online. However, unless you’re a complete idiot or you’ve found yourself plucked from the dark ages and are currently stranded in time and space, the whole internet conspires to provide details about waves, good, bad or ugly.
Trident says, “embrace it.” Don’t fight the future folks. But whatever you do, don’t ask anyone something as inane as “when do you reckon there’ll be waves?” The sheer banality of the question would probably cause seizures in even the most moderately knowledgeable surfer.
