In surfing terms, I’ve come up with the acronym FOMOOBS. It stands for “Fear Of Missing Out On Better Spots”. Also, it sounds vaguely rude, and as I’m immature as hell, I find this endlessly amusing, yeah! A Grownup, Not the Neighbourhood, the Adulthood
There are only two kinds of surfers in this world. 1: Those surfers that are constantly frustrated, angered, appalled and exasperated by other surfers’ lack of etiquette, bad manners and just plain garden variety idiocy. 2: Those surfers who never experience anything but tranquillity. Mostly coz they’re the cause of surfer number 1’s woes. I consider myself number 2 as I am super chill. Honest van Tonder, Huh
If I accidentally-on-purpose drop-in on your wave, but kick out immediately – you damn well better make the rest of the wave. Or I’ll use your face as a spittoon, cowboy style. Kid Rock John Wayne Cash, Tex-arse
I’m an anarcho-surfer. That is to say, every time I surf, it’s to protest against, well, everything. Capitalism. Communism. Cronyism. Climate change. The poor being exploited. The poor waves being exploited. Wetsuit chafe. Dandruff. So please help by donating to my noble cause. Surf equipment, monopoly capital, scrabble capital, even trivial pursuit capital will do. Thanks in advance. Siphosihle Retail, Barn
Those surf rules signs erected on poles by surf spots worldwide are absolutely brilliant, in my humble opinion. ‘Coz even if people don’t read and pay attention to the surf rules on said signs, you can always rip them out the ground and beat offenders across the head with them. Brakepad Brown, Custard Gate
