Yes, esteemed readers – first aid can save lives. Unfortunately, emergency first aid isn’t as simple as kicking an unconscious patient in the head and screaming: “Wake up! Wake up!” Therefore, Trident shall be delving into some potentially lifesaving basic emergency first aid. These techniques should apply to many common surf injuries – from a severe man-scaping injury gone wrong post-surf – to slipping on a wet boardwalk and bruising your rectum (and ego).
Lacerations, cuts, blood loss
A bonus of being a surfer is that we generally have our own built-in tourniquets – surf leashes. Unless you’re an old school logger, in which case you’re shit outta luck pal. Another reason to get the hell over yourself and wear a damn leash already. Anyhow, in the event of a severe injury causing blood loss – grab that leash and tie it tightly. Around the wound we mean – not around the patient’s neck or genitals or something. Now – think back to your childhood, when you scraped your knee in the backyard chasing your sister or attempting Tony Hawk’s 900. Your mom would sort out the injury by cooing soothingly and blowing on the wound. Trident would suggest that in the case of say – a shark biting off a limb – just blowing on the wound probably won’t do much at all. Your tourniquet and limb elevation is key here team.
Burns
In the case of mild to severe burns, one should… Hang on. How in Neptune’s name will burns realistically happen in surfing? (Ed’s note: drop in on some dude! Hah! I’m here all week folks.) (Author’s note: Apologies Trident readers. I’ve just headbutted our ed. But, he’s absolutely correct. Burns in surfing are about as likely as common sense in politics.) The same goes for electric shocks and motor accident injuries. Moving on…
“Trentham Gardens – First Aid Unit – North Staffs Voluntary First Aid Service” by ell brown is licensed with CC BY 2.0. To view a copy of this license, visit https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/
Drowning
In many classic cartoons, you’d see the sarcastic rabbit or the mischevious mouse try resuscitate drowning victims by either jumping up and down on the patient’s chest while water squirted fountain-like out their mouths – or a toilet plunger was placed over the patient’s mouth and manically pumped up and down. Now, Trident would be the first to suggest these techniques may sound fun as hell, but are undoubtedly as effective as trying to start a car with jumper cables attached to your tv remote’s batteries. Drowning is common in surfing folks – so pay attention. First, clear the patient’s throat (with a spatula or crowbar or similar if you’re queasy about sticking your fingers in throats), pinch the nostrils closed and exhale deep breaths into their lungs. (Author’s note: make sure the patient didn’t just fall asleep sunbathing. The last thing a would-be saviour needs is a potential harassment lawsuit.)
Broken bones
Once consciousness has been regained, (Author’s note: we’re referring to the rescuer here, after passing out from the sight of a patient’s leg bent 180 degrees the wrong way) find something suitable to use as a splint. Generally an appropriate tree branch or piece of wood would be ideal, but in a pinch one could use any of the thousands of pieces of litter we find on the beach these days. Way to find a silver lining out of plastic pollution.
Spinal injures
Here’s another serious one folks. Do not move the patient if you suspect spinal injuries. Repeat; do not move them. Just leave them there and call emergency services – then bugger off. Or, watch the scene from a distance. Trident won’t even suggest any aid here, as you’re likely to stuff it up.
Miscellaneous (burst eardrum, stings, etc)
Injuries such as burst eardrums, sprains and muscle tears are fairly common and oftentimes fairly painful, but generally these don’t require much in the form of first aid really. Just bundle the patient in their own car, and command them to drive themselves to casualty and applaud the fact you now have one less surfer in the crowded lineup. Either way, they’ll be out the water for a while, so they may need psychological counselling. As for minor stings and bites, from jellyfish, bluebottles, sea urchins (little spiky bastards had their own article here), just pee on the affected area. The patient will be good to go. Just be concerned if they keep on asking you to pee on them afterwards.
