Greetings! Hands down the best way to ensure you get to surf as much as you want, is to surf as much as you want while you have a job. Either nobody will ever notice – or you’ll be fired eventually – leaving you with all the time in the world to surf as much as you want! Either way – win-win! Of course, being fired leaves you with the potential to be homeless and being forced to eat your own toenails out of hunger – but hey, I’m just suggesting ways to maximise surf time, the rest you can figure out on your own, damn it. IC Upee, Daftington
Support your local surf shop by buying everything from them. And I mean everything. Groceries, sanitary items, high end furniture and appliances, vehicles, real estate, election campaigns – the woiks. When they mention they don’t stock the items you’re looking for, storm off and mutter under your breath “No wonder surf retail is in the state it is.” Disgruntled Prat, Pacaltzdorp
Ensure you get plenty of waves in a crowded lineup by simply bringing a laser pointer with you. Shine it in the eyes of anyone attempting to paddle, drop in, snake, or indeed – just everyone. Half blinding everyone else means you will have a surplus of waves! Do I really have to come up with all the good ideas Trident?! Puntwaffle Fergusson III, Pollsmoor
Instead of wetsuits, why don’t surfers just paddle out with blankets wrapped around them? Surely that’ll be even warmer? Bellybutton Warner, Walmer
Many people think getting stoned before you surf makes you surf better! Codswallop I say! Getting high pre-surf just makes you think you surf better, while everyone else rolls their eyes as you giggle uncontrollably after claiming a knee high wipeout as a mental tube. Bob Marley, Jamaica
