When exactly did the modern age begin? It’s difficult to pinpoint, as it’s generally to do with the present time people find themselves living in. For instance, in 9000 BC, wiping one’s arse with a banana leaf instead of poison ivy was probably considered the peak of civilisation back then. So, defining that modernity is relative, let’s go with 2020 as the beginning of our modern age. Partly because 2020 is a nice round number, and partly because it was an absolute crapstorm as you’ll recall. (Ed’s note: To clarify: although the world remains a crap storm, at least the pandemic panic is over for now.)
Isn’t it splendidly crazy to think we’re living in the 2020’s? If you were born before 1990, you’re considered Generation X (or you’re a very early Millennial). Indeed, you may be a Boomer, ok Boomer? Anyhow, if you’re at least in your late twenties you’ll remember tons of science fiction movies, novels, comics etc with the year 2000 in the title. Yet, here we are – in 2022, and weekend vacation trips to the moon, flying cars, time travel, android pleasure bots and hoverboards remain figments of fiction. Trident is particularly bummed, as are you no doubt dear reader – that functional hoverboards have yet to be invented. Nonetheless, humanity has still come a long way. AI is a particularly frightening and familiar concept in science fiction that has become reality. More less frightening yet equally as disturbing modern realities that affect us as surfers will be revealed as follows:
Number 1: Forex/Bitcoin trading “experts” on Instagram.
Okay, this is not unique to surfers on the Insta. However, when your own personal page consists of little else but surfing photos, surfboards, some videos of you jamming guitar, a few drawings your laaitie did, why on earth would an ultra-successful, expert Forex trader begin following you? But jeez, they’ve only got 12 posts and like, 7 362 followers? They must be good! And look, they have video channels you can subscribe to achieve the same level of success they have! Wow, there is the oke in a Mazzerati parked by the Ritz in London, and there he is again, in a Bugatti while typing on his laptop! I want that lifestyle! I crave that lifestyle! Well, I just wanna trade Forex in Keramas on the beach, I don’t really need a sports car! Do us a favour, won’t the lot of you financial Instagram wizards? Just **** off to the nearest hell you believe in, that’d be great.
Number 2: Beginner surfers who ignore the Internet as an important source of surfing insight/rules/tips.
Trident is a handy source of surfing information, from seasoned experts to utter newbies. Yet, how many beginners have poured through the wealth of knowledge this site alone has to offer? What about beginners viewing tips to improve ones’ surfing on YouTube? What about the literally thousands of web pages dedicated to informing the newcomer on surf etiquette? Trident is proudly Generation X. Thus we never had the Internet as a tool for learning when we were beginning to surf. (Ed’s note: Ok Boomer. Author’s note: Twat.) Somehow though, through hard knocks, trial and error, several mistakes and mishaps – not to mention bloody-mindedness – we figured out much of this surfing lark Philosophically speaking though, you never stop learning of course. But if you’re a beginner who simply refuses to begin learning and understanding the culture despite having access to the wonderful tool that is the Internet – well, then you’re a tool yourself.
Number 3: Experienced surfers who over-use the Internet as an important source of surfing insight/surf conditions.
In direct contrast to Point Number 2. Two words: web cams. Or is it one word? Webcams. But ja. You get our point. Also, it’s worth mentioning all those imbeciles whose sole opinion of well, anything – comes from self proclaimed experts on the Internet. Whether it’s a renowned shaper espousing the virtues of using one’s own faeces as sunblock, or a famous pro declaring vaccines will give you athlete’s foot, just because someone knows a lot about one subject, doesn’t mean they know it all. Although, if it’s online, it has to be true, right?
Number 4: The explosion of alternative and updated retro surfboard shapes.
This shaper on the south east coast of Ireland said the best possible surfboard for a 3 foot left breaking beachbreak kinda wave is an asymmetrical 5’7 and a half inch bonzer painted red and green and fitted with a satellite in 3 of its 5 fins, but only if you ride it leashless and 55 inches wide.
*Brain starts leaking out nostrils from too much information/choice/utter hokum vaunted from everyone from top pro’s to hobo’s living near enough the beach to make them an expert.
Number 5: Load shedding and petrol price increases.
Well, Trident often uses load shedding as a reason/excuse to go surfing, but this only can really apply if there’s actually a wave worth surfing. Otherwise, it’s 2 hours apiece of white-knuckling through some work on your laptop before your inverter battery dies (if you’re fortunate enough to have an inverter let alone a laptop). Even if there’s a decent wave, load shedding will invariably hit when least convenient anyhow. And of course, there’s these constant petrol price increases. Gone are those heady, blissful days of heading to the beach and seeing a fun-looking 3 foot wave and heading back home because it’s “not good enough.” These days, come hell or high water, Trident will surf what’s in front of us, like a kid needing to eat their vegetables before dessert, and we’ll damn well be happy about it.
* Special Mention: Beach bans.
The less said about these particularly pointless aspects of pandemic lockdowns, the better, but never forget 2020 – 2022 folks.
