That is the question. At least when it comes to doing so in your wetsuit.
There really are only two kinds of surfers. Those that willingly leave the waves, even if it’s six foot and firing to go have a sneaky wee in the aloes, and those that sit there with a silly, satisfied grin as they release the contents of their bladder into the wild. Like Gabriel Medina and violent localism, having a golden shower in your wetsuit tends to split surfers’ opinions down the middle. So let’s focus on the science of it, and what we do kinda know so far.
“It attracts sharks.” Well, the jury is still out at that one, but this author tends to err on the side of caution. You’ll find me grimacing and holding in my wee anywhere that feels fairly remote, like anywhere more than 5km’s from the nearest first aid kit. Anyhow; the theory is simple; urine attracts sharks like Instagram followers to Kelly Slater because distressed mammals urinate a lot. If you’ve ever pulled into an 8ft closeout barrel, you may know the feeling. Anyway, peeing is a supposed sign of distress in marine mammals, which are the filet mignon of prey species for great whites. Distress equals weakened animal which in turn equals easier prey. Why would a shark gun for the Alpha seal, who could conceivably moer him when there’s an easier option around? Enter; the peeing seal, the weakened animal less likely to put up a fight. Perhaps the poor guy is injured or just had a fight with his wife. Either way, he’s feeling down, and that makes it easier for a huge terrifying fish to chomp him. So, the theory goes – if we surfers urinate in the water, it may attract sharks. However, despite the ongoing media hysteria, the likelihood of a shark attack in the first place is miniscule. As for whether or not weeing in your wettie increases that already tiny risk of attack – inconclusive. So basically your call with regards wetsuit weeing and sharks folks.
“It damages neoprene.” The science is fairly clear on this. Yes, pee-pee does indeed damage neoprene – but here’s the rub; so does long term exposure to the sun, incorrect care of your suit, excessive stretching of the neoprene (in other words, simply getting in and out of these new-fangled zip-free, chest-zip types without damaging your spinal column) and how often you surf in it. Essentially, simply using your wetsuit for the sole purpose you bought the damn thing in the first place damages it. So while walking around in a shopping mall and urinating like you’re a Durban July entrant may make no sense, you may as well pee freely when you’re in the sea. Pee Free in the Sea. You heard that copyline here first folks. Indeed, said copyline could serve as the marketing campaign for new Trident wetsuits! Which come with detachable codpieces TM for guilt free urination! Watch this space! I digress. Bottom line is, peeing in your wetsuit does bugger it up somewhat, but not significantly more than just using it in the first place does. Quality of materials, how often and where you use it – as well as how well you care for your wetsuit – probably plays more of a part in its longevity than peeing or not peeing in it does – but good heavens; please don’t quote Trident on that.
“Peeing in your wetsuit is just gross.” Again, not here to judge, but there are actually people that get a kick out of urination. Nevertheless, that’s not what we’re discussing here. Yes, pee stinks, and yes, it’s probably best to do it in the bush as nature intended (NOT a toilet – this is how you save water by the way. You’re welcome Earth.) But pee is initially sterile. Which kinda means, you can for all intents and purposes drink it in certain situations. Like if you’re Bear Grylls trying to survive, or that weirdo coach in the old Dodgeball movie who enjoyed its taste. Urine eventually gets invaded by bacteria, hence the stank made notorious in public restrooms. And in unwashed wetsuits. And once more, without proper care of your wetuit, whether you urinate in it like a yellow Victoria Falls or not – it’ll stink and suffer material damage anyway.
So what have we learned? Like growing a mullet and moustache, peeing in your wetsuit certainly can be a form of social self-sabotage – but it really is a personal choice. So don’t let the opinions of others dissuade you or affect you too much. Just make sure, if you do pee in your wetsuit – do it early on in a session, not afterwards while standing in the car park chatting to your mates. There are some lines you just don’t cross.
