It feels like it’s been some time since Trident has presented one of our famous surf quizzes. And this particular quiz has to be of paramount importance – a thorough investigation into what the average surfer spends/budgets/wastes on their favourite pastime. Now, we’d be hard pressed to claim this is hard science, but it seems to us Surf Science is the most apt category for a quiz on surf spend. So here we go;
Question 1: When arriving at your local surf shop, what happens when you walk in the door?
Option a. Whether employee, other customer or shop owner, everyone greets you by name at the very least, with the occasional hug and enthusiastic shaka thrown about. Everyone asks about your latest surfs as well as how that new brand of wax you’re trying out is working for you.
Option b. The shop owner and employees all start grinning manically, and you can literally almost see cartoon Dollar signs throbbing above their heads as they stare at you as if you are a winning Lotto ticket.
Option c. There is a collective eye roll, and someone asks in the kind of monotone you’d expect from people who already know the answer: “Are you actually gonna buy something this time?”
Option d. Everyone watches your every move warily. Despite trying to appear nonchalant, the girl at the counter has a finger just above the panic button, while the other oke is trying to look casual while locking the safe. The other customers nonchalantly check on their phones and wallets. There is an old fashioned Wanted poster with a dude closely resembling you on it. “But it ain’t me,” you chuckle to yourself. “After all, I have a beard now.”
Question 2: How do you generally do your surf checks?
Option a. After checking which days look most promising waves-wise in advance, you drive to your local spots to check out the surf, work and other commitments permitting. After checking about 4 or 5 spots maximum in the general area, you decide on the best possible wave for the tide, bearing in mind practical factors like crowd to wave ratio, car security and time getting ready as well as the time it takes to walk to the spot.
Option b. You have subscribed to literally every single surf webcam service available online. After all, you live so far from the beach, almost fifteen minutes away.
Option c. You send Please Call Me texts to every surfer in your contacts list, expecting each of them to phone you back with a full surf report. Option d. You stalk every surfer in the region on their social media. Just one landmark rock, a faded signpost, a building in the background – and you’ll know where to surf.
Question 3: Describe your relationship with your local shaper?
Option a. Like a close mate. You both value each other’s input, feedback, advice, opinions as well as their sometimes brutal honesty. You may not always agree, but generally when getting that brand new sleek board in your hands makes you both tap dance for joy.
Option b. The quiver of 47 surfboards you order only every two months seems to make your local shaper really like you – although it’s very difficult to tell as he’s mostly in contact with you from his yacht in Indo.
Option c. What shaper my bru?! I still have my old surfboard from 2007, and it serves me perfectly well! So what if it’s more water logged than a blanket left out in the rain, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it! But okay, it is broke, but I have fixed it perfectly plenty of times myself. Indeed, all that extra sticky tape on it means I don’t have to shell out extra on surf wax, so there!
Option d. Very close. Your shaper knows just where in your surfboards to hollow out the smuggling compartments for when you ship certain boards overseas on “special consignment.”
Question 4: What features do you value most when buying a wetsuit?
Option a. A combination of value, durability, warmth, longevity, stretchability and one or two personal preferences such as inner lining material, zipperless suits or novelty dragon scale prints. You also keep an eye open for specials and discount deals.
Option b. Although you really enjoy solid dragon hide wetsuits, you have since learned that dragons don’t exist! How foolish you felt, wasting money on a wetsuit made from non existent material, for almost R 200 000! Gold leaf coating is far more practical on a wetsuit and looks far prettier! And at almost R 300 000, it’s a bargain. And we’re sure we sorta feel it’s a bit warmer?
Option c. What wetsuit my bru?! I still have my old suit from 2003 and it serves me perfectly well! So what if the wetsuit has more holes in it than your municipal roads or your average state capture defence! It still keeps me warm! At least on those 25 degree plus days in summer!
Option d. The wetsuit’s ability to camouflage oneself. Plain black wetsuits are fine, as they really could help when climbing into other people’s property at 2am. Failing that, you base your vigilante superhero costume on any wetsuit.
Question 5: Would you shell out your hard earned bucks on a surf coach?
Option a. In principle, absolutely. It definitely would help improve my surfing, but practically speaking – my days of potentially being a pro surfer just ain’t gonna happen any more! So perhaps surf coaching would be more suited for talented young surfers or absolute beginners, but all in all – surf coaching is cool.
Option b. Absolutely! In fact, I have eight different surf coaches in my employ! One for technique, one for fitness, one for diet, one for strength, one for pre-surfing coaching, one for post-surfing coaching, one for meditation and one for cheerleading. Money darn well spent in my opinion, as I have almost got to my feet more than twice in a row for the last year, since I got these guys on board.
Option c. Pffft. Not if you already rip, like I do.
Option d. Surf coaching is one of my side projects, so totally! The more you spend with me, the better your surfing becomes! Just deposit R 75 000 cash into my uSkelm Bank account and you’ll see, no refunds, no warranties, no guarantees, no refunds. Yes, I know I said no refunds, but it’s worth repeating so the feds ain’t got nuthin’ on me.
Question 6: How do you feel about wavepools?
Option a. In principle once again – why not? Although, as there are currently none with new tech in SA (the Valley of the Waves is a glorified close out y’all), feeling any way about them is kinda moot.
Option b. I love wavepools! I have full season tickets to every one of them, world wide. After all, you’re more likely to see Prince Harry surfing the wavepool in Lemoore than you are seeing him at Teahupoo aren’t you? And I should know, coz I was sitting in the channel at Chopes for 3 weeks straight this year. Which actually sucked as my sojourn in Tahiti interfered with all of my wavepool season tickets.
Option c. They are sick! At least my version is: I pay some poor kids a buck each for a day of them moving a big metal sheet back and forth along the side of my pool. Beats driving down for 2-4 foot surf.
Option d. Wavepools are one of my side projects, so totally! In fact, I am organising for one to be built in every suburb of the country! Option b, you up for putting in R 5 bar into my uSkelm back account to ensure a VIP membership to all of them? As for the rest of you, a mere investment of half a bar each can help get this pipe dream off the ground – thanking you all in advance!
Question 7: More or less what surfing stuff do you buy in an average year, ie: equipment, travel, sundries etc?
Option a. Say; one new board every one to three years, same for a wetsuit, around 4 – 10 trips up and down the coast per year and a big overseas surf trip every two years. Then it’s wax, fins, repairs, leashes and stuff as I need them.
Option b. My afore mentioned 47 board quiver, a new gold leafed wetsuit every week, my season tickets to all the world’s wavepools, non stop surf travel (I pay in advance for tickets even if I don’t actually get on the planes), indestructible leashes (which I buy in bulk of a thousand), indestructible fins (Which I buy in bulk of a thousand per set – ie; a thousand twins, a thousand quads, a thousand thrusters, a thousand single fins) and organic wax made from sperm whale vomit.
Option c. Wax made from old recycled wax and gum found in family restaurants’ seats.
Option d. Pffft! Everything I buy is sourced from funds from my surf coaching and wavepool projects. I’ll be paying it back soon. I promise, investors.
Results:
Mostly A’s. You’re just your average, albeit somewhat talented and well liked surfer. Your surf spend is more than average though, and you are generous and willing to spend on quality without succumbing to trends or BS.
Mostly B’s. You, Sir or Madam, are a born sucker. The entire surf industry should wish you on your birthday.
Mostly C’s. You are Scrooge without the hope of redemption over Christmas.
Mostly D’s. You need to be reintegrated into society carefully. Possibly with the aid of prescription medicine.
